HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAN

Today would be my nan's birthday and I should also give mention to my other nan who did not get a mention last month when it would had been her birthday. I shall give her a good blog entry tomorrow!

Today is here to talk about this special lady.

My grandmother was born in 1926, in the town of Herford which is situated in northern Germany; back then it was known as 'Eastern Westfalia' and it's the same as it is now - surrounded by beautiful countryside. My nan was the eldest of four children, she was later to be joined by a younger brother and two little sisters. She lived all of her childhood in the same house with chickens clucking in the garden, and her father booming if tasks were not done to his satisfaction. He sounded as though he was a real tyrant but there was love there none the less. My grandmother's life was not very long, only 60 years yet so much was packed into such a short time........................Though the hurt and the sorrow was there too often, so much joy was there, the pain to soften.........Love you nan. X

I'm not sure at what age this happened but it was a tragedy that my nan was never to forget or forgive herself for; she took her little brother out skating on a frozen lake and her brother fell through the ice. I didn't even know my nan had a brother until I was with my mum and aunts going back up to London to register my nan's passing. It seemed so strange to laugh while we were mourning yet it was so natural. This was my first experience of a human dying and my nan was a special, special person.
It has taken me all day to write this and that shows you how wonderful she was.

I think my nan was rather rebellious! When she was 19 she decided, with her cousin, to tour Germany. It was 1945 and obviously much had changed in the country. My nan and her cousin went down to the south And I believe they found some work. They loved what they were doing and the freedom that came with it and so I have no idea why my nan foolishly fell in love with an older man? Maybe she was replacing her father with another dominant male? I don't know but this man.....Should wel call him nasty scum or NC for short treated my nan poorly to put it mildly.

Again another thing I'm not sure about (could be because my family hated to talk??) I don't know how long she knew him before she fell pregnant? Nan returned home when she was six months pregnant begging her parents to allow her to keep the baby and stay at home with them. They had only just had their last daughter and the shame must have been too much. They told my nan she could not stay however a compromise was found and she was sent to stay with her grandparents. I have no idea why my nan then went on to marry my mother's biological father? This is all very odd but they did marry when my mum was 18 months old and I'm also not sure when they got back together but it appears to be when my mum was about 6 months old. My mother made contact with her biological father's family about ten years ago and found out as much info as she could.

My nan's first husband was a drunk - a violent drunk. He had come back from WWII a nasty man with bitter memories and add to this a mother who was a drunk! Both his father and older brother were killed on the Russian front and his younger brother was the only one left at home. So nan's choice of first husband wasn't a good one! and in fact there were NO PHOTOS of him at all in my mother's life and my nan NEVER talked about him. I cannot imagine how painful it must have been for her? We only have stories from other people and so this is all hearsay. If it is all true then my poor nan had a terrible time.

This man, nan's first husband, died (and this all is true and not hearsay) after going to the pub, getting completely drunk (so nothing new there then) and then having a massive heart attack and dropping down dead. He was 47. This man must have have huge demons because I do not know why he would treat fellow human beings in such a way? Maybe one of his demons, struck him down dead? I know I may sound harsh but he was emotionally cruel and regually beat my nan. The final straw was when he broke nan's arm.

My nan never talked about him, I wonder why? My mum had to find out everything after nan died - This is nan's story not mums so better move on.

Nan met the man who was going to be the light of her life four years later. She had been staying at her grandparents for some time and only recently gone back to stay with her parents. The new love of her life was a young Brit who was out in Germany doing his national service. He was 19, my nan was 26 but this time the age gap wasn't important. Oh I didn't mention the age gap with the last marriage did I? He was a lot older but I don't know what that has to do with the price of spuds? Maybe just didn't work for them?
After a short courtship, they married. Shame that 29 years later, divorce was to destroy the whole family again.

My granddad took my nan all over the world as he moved around with the army. She went to Gibraltar next and then on to Singapore for about 5 years. Nan gave birth to a second daughter three years later and then a son two years after that and then finally another daughter two years after tha which completed the family. The family enjoyed the army life until 1961 when my grandfather's time was up and it was time to settle in one country and they chose the UK. In 65, my mum and dad married. They lived at the family home for a brief while however it was a 3 bed house and 4 adults and 3 children did not go.

Nan was to go on and have her fair share of illhealth. She had high blood pressure and was on medication to control this. All was fine until the early 70's and then a shocking discovery - cancer! She beat it but it was to spell the end of her marriage. This was when my grandfather started his affair.........The horrible thing was that my dad worked at the same company as my granddad and knew about the affair as it was one of those workplace 'flings'. In 1976, my granddad and nan separated. It was terribly sad and my granddad didn't talk to anyone including his kids for a year. Terribly sad.......That said, the 'fling' has lasted the time and they are still together after all these years. I remember my grandmother taking me out in her mini and we drove past my granddad's new house just to see what it looked like - Sadness must have been very hard to cope with.

In 1980, my nan had a massive heart attack. My grandfather came to the hospital and I remember as a 10 year old my angry mother and aunt talking about my granddad's other woman. Apparently she was a tart! No she wasn't, just hurt and pain talking.
Heart disease was to be the bain of my nan's life.....

Pre Christmas 1986, nan had some 'heart flutters'. She was admitted to hospital for tests and then in the early hours of Christmas Eve her heart stopped twice. She was brought back to life and taken to ICU. I remember seeing my nan on Christmas Day and she looked so well. Her cheeks were flushed and she sat up to open her presents and laughed with us all. She was SO WELL! It was amazing. We were told that after Christmas my nan would be going up to London to have a pacemaker fitted as they didn't do it at this local hospital. Over the Christmas period nan did well but then the December 27th she was hit by yet another cardiac arrest.......then another and nan was 'down' for a long time. The doctors fought hard to bring her back that time. They did not think she would make it if her heart was to stop again and so nan was asked what she wanted to do if her heart was to arrest again. "What will be will be" said my nan.

My nan's heart held out and she was transferred to London where she had a pacemaker fitted. I didn't know then but my mum, aunts and uncle were told that it would give her another five years of life. I used to go and visit nan all the time because she was in there a long while. I didn't know this either but she had caught a hospital infection which seems to be the norm in the UK! I also had a hospital infection on my last stay, but when you have a heart condition it's much more of a problem than if you're 36 and healthy.

Nan eventually came home and lived a very sheltered life for her final years. She enjoyed being a grandmother and saw all of her children become parents. That was one of her final wishes. I only wish we had her for longer. The bigger problem was the infection my nan left hospital with however the hospital would not admit that.

In 1988, she became very poorly with water on the lungs and was readmitted to that same hospital in London. I remember going up there for weeks and then one night it all changed. Nan was moved to the cardiac care unit - The unit where the very unwell patients go. She had developed blood clots on both her legs and had been told the only option was amputation. She could not bare this and so told the doctors she did not want any more medication and wanted to end her life. The only problem was the stupid (and I use this word STRONGLY!) staff did not give her pain relief either initially and she was in a lot of pain. I went up to see her on the Sunday and sat with her.......She was crying in pain and I asked what I could do to help her. "I need to be moved" She cried. I went to get a nurse but the nurses were more interested in their magazines than a 17 year old who adored her dying grandmother. I ended up shouting at them "IF YOU DON'T MIND, I NEED YOUR HELP NOW" That seemed to do the trick!

I feel even now very angry about her last few days. It was so undignifying for her and this should never have happened. She was dying and should not had been treated like dirt!!!
That Sunday afternoon, I told her I loved her. I thought about the happy weekends I'd spent with her. How she said she "Oh Cezzy, you don't want to watch those rubbish American soaps" but couldn't wait to find out 'who shot JR?', I thought about how my mum would get off the phone to my nan and rant on about her and say to me "Don't you tell your nan I said that" Of course I would tell my nan! My nan and me were as close as close could be. I thought about my favourite memory, the time after nan had passed her driving test (in her 50's) and went round a round-about at about 6o miles per hour. My aunt and I were wetting ourselves with a combination of fear and laughter.

We had been told that my nan could survive for about three weeks .........I had a suspecion I wouldn't see her again. That night my uncle took me home as mum was staying with my nan. My aunts and uncles were almost arguing over who would visit and when, but all I felt was anger inside because this lady's life was coming to an end and she deserved more than this. I agreed to look after my cousins the following day so that my aunt could visit and I then went home.

I don't believe in God?

So why did I pray?

I prayed that night - "Please let my nan die" I'm crying again as I type this because it hurts to even say it. I did NOT want to lose her but to see her there was so painful. I knew she wanted to go so why not GO?

The following day I went to work as normal and headed home to go and change and look after my gorgeous little cousins. My dad was at home which I hadn't expected. "You're early?" He was supposed to be on lates but he had come home early because he couldn't stay at work once mum had phoned him.....

My nan died at around 3pm 26th January 1986.

I don't know the exact time because my mum held her hand and she slipped away at some point and because the nurses were so lame they did not notice my nan stop breathing. Mum did not notice, she's not a nurse?

Who knows and who cares now.

Happy Birthday nan.
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RIP.