Goodbye Jeremy Beadle

Jeremy Beadle

Born 12 April 1948
Died 30 Jan 2008
Aged 59

TV Presenter, writer and producer Jeremy Beadle, had died in hospital after a short battle with pneumonia. He was admitted to intensive care on 25 January and his body could not battle any longer after already beating cancer of the kidney in 2004 and leukaemia in 2005.

Whenever I see someone who dies too young it leaves me feeling incredibly sad and vulnerable. I feel nervous for my own future to be honest because Mr Beadle himself was born with a disability, Poland Syndrome and big credit to him because he was one of the first TV celebrities to have a disability. (Or should I say the first one employed and seen as not vulgar to the viewing public!!!!) Nowadays we see many more people with a variety of disabilities and that may be down to people like Jeremy?

Personally though I found his sense of humour a bit annoying and each to their own. My mum liked him after all. Game for A laugh was one of the biggest shows of the 80s and then there was Beadle's about which followed and showed the British public still loved those silly fake camera/people making fools of themselves. People still now watch You've been framed for goodness sakes and I include myself in that (Though I only like it for the funny comments made Harry Hill).

God Rest Jeremy Beadle. You are in good company.

I am in a rather uncomfortable inbetween period myself of emotional funeral/dying memory time, so emotions are a bit up sh*t creak. May be some weird blog entries - (no comment that there are normally weird entries!!!!!)

My Daughter (The Saga Of........)

I touched some wood on Monday honestly I did.

On Monday I was speaking with a friend about how good my daughter was being and I was saying what a good start to the term she was making. Her homework was much better and guess what? Yesterday they she came home with an 'AMBER WARNING CARD'. I cannot believe it!
The reason is because either she has failed to hand in homework EITHER/OR has failed to bring the correct equipment on three ocassions since the beginning of term.

I asked my daughter how she felt about this card and she said, "Disappointed". It is the first time she has ever shown any sort of remorse for her actions and normarlly would shrug her shoulders and be done with it. This one was different in fact she is a different girl right now and actually I feel a bit angry on her behalf but do not want her to know this. I can understand that she SHOULD be given the amber warning card (which means the teacher signs the card if homework is handed out and to confirm equipment is remembered.) IF she kept forgetting her homework which was the problem last term but solve one problem at a time! I have a feeling that the school may try and overload my daughter and I have a duty to protect her yet there is a part of me that thinks this is the right thing to do? So am I angry or confused?

My daughter came home feeling sick last night which could be because she was concerned about my and my husband's reaction and this morning she was very nervy. I didn't have time to talk to her properly though so I also have some guilt which us mothers always have to deal with. The one thing I did do last week was send an email to my daughter's form tutor, (or thought I had) which gave a lot of detail as to how homelife was for her. It stated about what a young carer was, how sometimes my daughter was emotional for me because she knew I was in pain and sometimes her behaviour causes or should I say does not help my pain!!! I did not say that she causes my pain because that is not true, my medical condition does that but stress makes things worse.

I just wish my daughter would settle down and realise that we all have her best interests at heart. I love her and her brother who is also experiencing problems at school, very much and my life seems to be running around saving them. My son is being picked on by a couple of little sh*ts who have nothing better to do. Spoilt little buggers if you ask me. One has already been reported twice and so much for the comment; "bullies do not remain at this school"; (my arse they don't!). I am not fighting my son's battles and want my son to deal with this himself but he is such a softy. He doesn't want to have to put up with this and all he wants to do is have a good time and get on with his work. Oh funny coincidence this but my son's new best schoolmate who lives in a gigantic house that we could fit ours into about five times is a lovely lad. That is not a coincidence but this is - My husband went to collect my son from his mate's house at 8.30pm last Friday and did not return home till 10pm. They were too busy chatting away and it turns out my son's new best buddy's dad went to the same rough old school as my husband. We knew we liked that family from talking to the mum on the phone but now we know why. They may have more money but they are just like us and our son has gained a good friend.

sketchup and not forgetting gorgeous Heath Ledger

My son has discovered the fascinations of Google sketchup and thinks its fantastic!

Only problem is that everything (at the moment) is accessed from my laptop and uses up my memory and so my dear little laptop is getting slower and slower.......What with all the itunes as well from my daughter's ipod! My daughter's computer is finally sorted but yesterday my husband could not get it connected to the internet and will not get IT support!!!! It's driving me mad because I need her to get that computer up and running and so does she. Yesterday evening, both my kids needed the internet to do important homework; one to do physics revision and one to do research on Romeo and Juliet and it is a bloody nightmare when you have a husband who behaves in a (was going to say moronic but even though he drove me crazy I think that's unfair), he is being unfair to the others in the family and not thinking about anyone. I don't think he's even thinking of himself?

Enough of my family, I wanted to talk about Heath Ledger. I could not believe what I read on teletext last night? He was such a wonderful actor but obviously a tormented soul. Drink, drugs and depression are a treble hit of pain which were going to never resolve without proper support and did he get that support? I do not have a clue as to what was going on in Heath's life other than what is written in tabloids and Heat magazine so who am I to say what his needs really were? The truth is though that this is yet another life wasted and I feel terribly sad about it. I feel sad for his family and his little girl and also how on earth must his ex girlfriend feel who only split with him last year? Bet there's guilt there which is not justified.
When a person takes their life, it is such a selfish act because they are not thinking of the people they leave behind only themselves. Depression is an illness and I accept that when I person thinks about taking their life they are not necessarily being themselves anymore. But I've been depressed and I've been at that point of thinking of ways of suicide.....I stopped myself because I knew that I would cause so much pain to those I loved. That was when I got help and I bet you that many attempts of suicide are not real attempts at all..........That's what I am wondering about Heath? Was it a mere cry for help?

Here's some pics of darling Heath as he was; gorgeous, dashing and seemingly full of life. Yet behind that facade was so much pain.
Tragic.
http://www.theage.com.au/photogallery/2008/01/23/1201024940487.html

Fainting and Earaches

My daughter has her first GCSE exam today so send her positive vibes please.

She was terrified this morning and in tears with earache in the opposite ear to the one which normally plagues her. A couple of ibuprofen, rescue remedy and omega oils later and she was feeling a bit better. I also gave her one of those mum hugs that only mums can give, cried myself because I couldn't stop myself and told her I don't care what grade she gets. She achieved a C at the weekend so if she does not get that today then so what, she's capable of it and can get that next time (if not higher). I've also emailed her school and asked her form tutor to call me as there are another couple of issues that I need to discuss with her. I have written half a letter to her to discuss what has been going on in my daughter's head.......The thing is that this is all so personal and difficult to write about.

So GP on Thursday and maybe it is psycho-somatic? Maybe it's ear wax!
I'll let you know Friday.

Maury, Jerry Springer An The Like......

My god! Why do people go on those shows?

Jerry Springer is the worst of the bunch and lets be honest they scrape the bottom of the barrel to get people on that show. You then fin Maury in America, Ricky Lake too and there's others I can't think of now. In the UK we have Trisha and Jeremy Kyle who play that game of "patronizing the guests". Oh my, why oh why do I watch these awful shows?

In between cooking the Sunday Roast and whinging about my pain, I'm watching Maury Povitch declare "I was 13 when I had my first baby and you're not the father!" Obviously he's not the 13 year old and one of the guests is that poor child who is now an adult.....Oh to explain would be confusing but you get my drift don't you? My life is easy in comparison.

So how is my life today? So-so. My son went off to his ballet class yesterday to find the class time had changed to an hour earlier and so a wasted journey was made. He went off and played squash instead. My daughter did the science test I made up for her (from a book I have brought on the correct syllabus). I've got all the answers too and so it made it quite easy for me but that said it took a long time to write up. I also put in diagrams, tables and drawings to make it look more interesting for her. The problem is she needs 80% and she's scoring 67%. It is science and the big test is on Tuesday and it counts towards her final exam at the end of the year. She MUST get 80%+. The pressure must be enormous and I can empathise with her about this and that's why I'm happy to help her. I've told her she must look up any wrong answers and write down the correct ones. It is Sunday, I know that but if she does not correct her answers she will never know them. 13% is so close to getting mark she needs! Shame my daughter chose to do the Foundation paper though because had she chosen to do the higher paper she could of had a lesser pass mark and of achieved the grade she needed!

Better go and check that chicken..........

Feeling A Bit Happier Today

My emotions ran away with me on my last entry and actually I'm glad they did. Sometimes you need to allow your feelings out don't you?

Today I'm going to be honest again and talk about my daughter (sorry if I bore you dear reader) but I've worked out something; she's feeling abandoned by my parents. She's also, I believe and have done for quite some time, thinking my husband may abandon her at any time too. He's 52 (and a half) and my parents were 56 and 57 respectively when they past away, why shouldn't her daddy die early? At least that's how her brain is working! I've felt for a long time that she has not grieved for my parents and try to get her to talk about them and last night she opened up and when I used the word "abandon" it brought tears to her eyes. That has NEVER happened. She asked why when her grandparents died her reaction was to laugh when most people cried? My poor little girl was 6 1/2 when her gramps died and 11 when her grandmother died. I told her that children do not have a guidebook and no reaction is wrong.

One thing I must do tonight is I must tell her it is never too late to grieve. She needs to let go of those painful emotions because if she does then maybe she might feel less 'pained'. I know being 14 is hard enough but to have a burden like that on her shoulders is too troublesome to cope with.

I've also been thinking about my reactions to her actions. I've been close to hitting her and my hand went to her right cheek the other day as if I was going to slap her and I was all set to really whallop her. I feel very ashamed that as a parent I felt that bad I could not control my anger yet I'm trying to teach my daughter to control hers! I told my girl that I was at that point of 'los of self control' and told her she needs to pack in her behaviour. I've had enough of it but she's struggling with emotions, school and everything. I love my daughter but I want her to stop bullying her dad........so fingers crossed I can get through to her, listen to her and we can re-build our relationship.

I Might As Well Leave

I can't stand it..............

I have a daughter who is turning into one of those teenage horrors and my husband is at the center of her anger but he seems to think it's my fault? Funny that isn't it! I'm fed up with both of them and I wish they would both grow up!!!!!!!!

My daughter did something, he over-reacted and she kicked off further and that's my fault too obviously.

If it wasn't for my son who has just come into this room where I sit on my own (my daughter is in her room, my husband is in the kitchen eating his dinner and I should be eating mine but I've lost my appetite), I would be packing my bags right now.

I've cooked their dinners even though I've had the worst flare ups over the past few weeks and none of them give a damn. Maybe I should just let them get on with it?

I'm sorry this post is a bit of a ramble but I'm upset......I feel so let down. My husband tells my daughter to apologise to ME yet he should be doing this to me too? My daughter didn't need to apologise to me at that time I am perfectly capable of telling her to apologise anyway yet he moans at me and tells me I should not interfere when I step in when I "protect him" yet he is allowed to "protect me"! What on earth is going on here? Are we not husband and wife who are supposed to be looking after each other? obviously not.

I don't know if I want any of this and I don't care for this shit. My daughter is growing more and more nasty by the minute................Don't like it.

A Little Prayer

We've just been out for a meal with the kids and nearly never made it as just before we turned off we spotted a huge queue of traffic on the road we would have stayed on. On the way home the queue was miles long and we were the only car on our side of the road for a while as a section had been completely closed off.

Being nosey, hubby and I wanted to know what had happened and knew it was going to be a serious car crash and yes that's exactly what has happened. It has only been a few years since eight people died on that very same stretch of road........So a prayer from me tonight is important.
I dread to think how badly injured those people are but hope that modern technology and modern cars have saved lives.

Emails

Been sorting out my email today.

I have so many emails coming in each day that I lose track of those from my friends and so have had to reorganise myself again. I've had to do this so many times in the past because of Internet problems! Here I go again and it is soooooo boring to have to do but I love my buddies.

Apart from email excitement, I've been doing some jolly fabulous things (yeah I am joking) around the house. The pain monster has made an appearance again leading me to request some extra anti-epileptic meds (which are great for nerve pain), from my GP. Right now I'm wriggling about like the proverbial worm and in need of more than those anti-epileptic meds I can tell you! My stupidity has caused the pain monster his way of gaining an entrance; I did some housework! Yes if there was ever an excuse for not doing housework it is that monster and it is genuinely true (honest gov'ner). I shall finish this little entrance and then make a little exit..........As I am already falling asleep as I type it and I'm not that boring? .....Or am I?

Big Brother's Celeb Hijack starts 2moz. Wonder what, sorry I mean who will be appearing on the show? Probably those in need of a boost to their career. (NO!) Anyone who knows me or reads my blog knows I'm a HUGE Big Brother fan but not for the celeb side of it; its more for the people psycho-babble. It is so funny to watch those ego match or not match and then see who flips first. Even those who act badly eventually end up on top and I imagine Jade Goody will be back with a book on elocution soon. Only Jo thingy and H from whats-its-name have been forgotten and quite right too.

Off I go. I've bored myself now.

First Day of 2008

Following on from yesterday's obituaries which I know are rather sad but on the other hand lets look at this the other way, we are only here on borrowed time......... Maybe that's not the right thing to say after all?

SO moving on from morbidity, today's list is names of those who yes have sadly have passed but who have left inspiration for everyone around them. (See yesterday's names also because obviously there are some names there too that are truly inspirational too)

Alex Hall, Real life Billy Elliott. 16 year old talented dancer Alex was diagnosed with cancer last Christmas. He didn't want to tell his parents so not to spoil their Christmas but sadly his bone cancer spread and he a week before Christmas 2007.
Phil O'Donnell, 35 year old Motherwell captain and soccer player to my American friends, who was happily playing the game he loved on Saturday only to have a massive heart attack half way through the match. Nothing could save him.
Oscar Peterson, the great 72 year old jazz pianist. His loss is great to the music world.
Hryhoriy Nestor, at 116 this Ukrainian who passed this year proves that borrowed time is longer than some than for others.
My neighbour, aged 65. He was left with a permanent mental impairment after a workplace accident some years ago. His mother and then when she died, his elderly aunt, became his lifelong companion. He led an amazing life.
Edna Steeles, who died aged 102. A true charactor! There are not many of those around nowadays are there and now another has gone.
Kenneth Wells, Grimsby Market trader Kenneth who raised money for charity and "Who you could always trust to give you an honest opinion" died last year. He was a kind and caring man.
Mary O'Mahoney, a ward counsellor and 'good samaritan' also lost her battle with cancer this year. She had thought that battle for over 30 years.
Mary Cunliffe, 81 year old campaigner and Torbay's Mother Theresa who was going to be nominated for an OBE next year for her inspirational work which had inproved so many lives.
Peter Orton, who was the TV executive who brought us Bob the Builder! Yes it takes all sorts to make this list.
Jack Sadler and ALL the soldiers killed in action last year. Trooper Sadler was in the TAs and was only 21 when he was killed in Iraq. Most of our soldiers may be home from Basra but alas they are being sent to Afganistan.........
Evel Knievel, who finally lost his battle againt everything. He stopped jumping cars, tigar, Grand Canyons etc some years ago but this left his body in pieces. Does this make him a legend? Yes to me he was back then. To my son he is a very foolish man.
Verity Lambert, 71 Dr Who's first female producer. She was the producer who decided to include the Dalek characters all those years ago. What would have happened if she did not do that?
Mike Gregory, 43. GB rugby captain who lost his battle from a form of motor neurone disease.
Vanessa Kyte who was also 43 when she passed away from cancer. She was less well known than Jane Tomlinson who also lost her battle with cancer this year but Vanessa fought for seven years as Jane did and raised thousands of pounds for charity too. Melanie Waite also lost her life to breast cancer after handing in a 35,000 name petition to get Herceptin given to all patients who need it. Fundraiser Liz Aldridge, set up 'Relay for Life' in 2006 which has now netted thousands of pounds. She died of liver cancer which had spread from her breast in October
John Averis, Ian Reid, Ashley Stephens, Darren Yates-Badley - The four firefighters killed tackling a huge warehouse fire.
Sri Chimnoy, Guru who taught religious tolerance and the spiritual value of physical activity. Sounds good to me.
Anita Roddick, Body Shop Founder. Good old Anita founded her first shop in Brighton all those years ago and started something fantastic. May she rest in peace.
Tony Wilson, who was the music producer who's name I admit I could not place but who's face I recalled immediately. Think back some years to when Manchester bands dominated the music scene and 'Mr Manchester' as he was known had a huge influence.
Mohammed Zahir Shah, who died in July, aged 92 was a former King of Afghanistan who ruled over his country for forty years during one of its more peaceful periods.
Jim Cronin, 55 year old Jim died in March this year. He was the passionate conservationist who created ‘Monkey World’ in Dorset a place we as a family have visited many a time. We've seen him around the place a couple of times only maybe because he was so busy around other sides of the globe. He will be yet another sadly missed.
All RAF who have lost their lives last year.

Here endeth my list. I'm tired and hurt and need my bed but after going through some of those names feel great to be alive.
Off to give those I love a kiss.