Last Day

My daughter has gone off for her last day at school her current school. Three weeks of holidays ahead and then she'll be ready for 'Posh School!'

Been a quiet few days as I've been sleeping through most of it and don't have a clue why? Yesterday I could hardly keep myself awake and I'm sure I spent more time asleep than awake?

Took my lad to the Paediatric endocrinologist specialist on Wednesday and he's reassured him that he's not short for his age, just needs to catch up with his friends. It was good to hear an alternative person saying exactly what his dad and I had been saying but at least he feels happier now.

It has take four hours on and off for me to type this - Tiredness!

Must take a nap.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Don't know where she gets her talent from?

But it's not me!

Went to watch my daughter play clarinet in her youth wind band this evening. The local city concert band and the 'youth' city concert band played too. My daughter's bunch were all aged between around 12 and 17 and grades 3 to 5 so maybe were not talking about musicians of the year quite yet, however we saw some talented youngsters performing tonight.

All I need now is my daughter to believe in her own talent.

What was funny was meeting up with a mother I used to chat with when our girls did gymnastics many moons ago. Now they are both playing clarinet together and the other mother really wants her darling to be in the youth orchestra with my little darling "But she WON'T do it!" And she then went on to tell us about her younger little darling who's badminton teacher tells her "He has NO motivation" .....After telling us how many after school activities the kids did we wondered if all the younger brother wanted to do was play down the park.

I know I'm worried about my daughter but I don't think forcing her to do activities she did want to do would be the answer either......So who is ever the perfect parent and do we ever get it right?

oooooooooH Helllllllllll

Feeling like I've been hit by a truck today but then a darling friend who I can always rely on to make me feel better has sent me a text which has cheered me up.

So I shall share this with you all, you lucky lot:-

After no dates or sex for five years a woman goes to see a Chinese Sex Therapist Dr Chang. He said to her; "Take off all your croase, get down and craw reery, reery fas to other side room"
So the lady does this. "OK, craw, reery, reery fas bac". As she did Dr Chang shook his head.
"You problem vewy vewy bad. Wose case of Ed Zachery disease I ever see. Dat why you get no date"
What is Ed Zachery Disease?" says the confused and worried woman.
"It is when your face look Ed Zachery like your arse"


I have a big piece of blurb on my website about laughter releasing endorphines and if that's the case it should still be working but the monster is stronger. I've has some very good days but alas now I'm under it's thumb again. The weather has turned again and it could be the sudden cold? I have no idea what it is however I wish it would stop. I wanted to complete the letters to my daughter's current school today. There is one which is going to be sent to the Headteacher and one to go to the Head of Year. The one to the Hedteacher will tell it how it is and be honest and tell him what I think of certain aspects of the school and how it needs to improve. The letter to the Head of Year will also be honest but no need for improvement because the Head of Year has been more than helpful as well as being an excellent teacher.

Feeling very grotty so signing off for tonight. Hate the weather - Yes it is it's fault. It has turned cold again and this always happens.

I owe and email or six

I shall be emailing today

It looks as though madam has her Assisted Place! We need to have confirmation but she LOVED her day yesterday and when she came home and I asked "How was it?" And "Made any new friends?" I was greeted with; "It was fine" (Which in teenage speak means fabulous as she couldn't stop talking about everything for the rest of the evening) and "I was given a shadow for the day called Evie and she introduced me to Emma and I already know Neave and Jo" (names changed to protect the innocents) from the city orchestra and......etc etc). She had design technology with a teacher we met on our visit who our daughter thought highly of and an RS lesson which was totally different to the ones she has at her current school. PE was her favourite and she was put with the upper PE group as they split them dependent on their swimming ability. They swim all year around as they have their own pool and a club on Monday after school. My daughter has already decided she's joining. There's another reason why my daughter likes this school. My daughter said at her current school, friendships are formed on what you have and what you look like; at her new school it's a case of being yourself and I have a strong suspecion my daughter was COMPLETELY herself yesterday.

We went out in the evening to say well done on the assessments. I hope all has gone well! If not then I do not know what we will do? We've been told that everything is fine but until that letter comes through you cannot guarantee anything. We have also warned our daughter that she has to work at this school and it's a no going back atitude. If she does not work at this school we will take her out as we are not wasting our money and she will have to to to whatever school will take her. I know that sounds cruel but she needs to see how important school is now.
A friend's son was excluded for a day yesterday and although our daughter does not behave badly, nor did my friend's son normally! State schools are too large and if you have the money then sometimes a private education is the only choice for some children.

Wide Awake

5.53am.

Been awake now for some time, my body aches and I have a stupid cough. Looks like I'm coming down with a cold. At least yesterday was a good day!

Today is my daughter's taster day at Posh School. She's also taking her entrance test and we will find out if we are entitled to an Assisted Place or not? The Government used to run the assisted places scheme and it was put in place so that families who could not afford private education could access it. If you earned less than a certain amount of money, you could apply for a place. The Labour Government got rid of the scheme and supposedly put the money back into state education but I am yet to find where they put it? Some schools have kept the scheme to ensure children from less privileged backgrounds can come to their school and we have found out that 50% of the girls at our daughter's proposed new school are on scholarships or APs. If you earn £36k or less per year, the school deducts nearly half of the fees! Earn more than that and it is a sliding scale of reduction. Now all we need is our daughter to pass the assessments........I feel nervous about it because now we've asked for an assisted place it's almost like the can turn us down if our daughter does not perform to their best - very best standard. I have been told the tests are to see where they can place her next term? I hope so. Our daughter needs this school and desperately wants to go there!

What's going on?

I woke up this morning feeling fantastic. The acupuncture had worked its wonders, my daughter had loved her a visit to her new school and all was right with the world (In our little part of the world anyway). Then as the afternoon wore on I started to feel odd. Odd is the best word for it and I put it down to tiredness but I don't know now.

You see I've cooked myself and the kidlets some nosh (not Masterchef standard) and the kiddiwinkles woofed it down but I could hardly eat a thing. I managed a little niddle around the edges and now feel nauseaus.

I give up. I can only presume that it is that gallbladder problem again and if this does not settle down I may have to go back to my GP and ask what on earth has happened to that urgent scan he ordered over a week ago? So much for urgent. Can't be that worried then. Need to get this sorted though it's not good.

PS Now 11pm and still not good. Oh dear......This is not good. Do not feel icky any more......See how it goes...

Not Such A Posh School After All?

We went along for our visit to Posh School today and were taken around by the school's Registrar who's girls all passed through the school. She advised us that one was academic and one a dolly day dreamer and both fitted in just nicely. To be honest, as we walked around the school, we felt more and more comfortable. We had a code word in case things were not good but did not need it and by the time we got to the art block we were sold.

Our daughter is now going to spend the day at the school on Monday and see how she feels about it? She's decided to get her entrance test out of the way on the same day but we've been told that she's got a pleace anyway and not to worry. The test is more about where to place her when she's in the school after Easter - Yes she'll be starting after EASTER and we're not waiting till September for more damage to be done. We've also found out that we can get an Assisted Place and this will reduce the cost down enormously. Thank goodness.

We spoke to the Bursar and he told us that this was the most unsnobby private school that he knew and it was great for "The likes of US" meaning us and him because at least we all could access private education where as some schools were out of our reach. To be honest we would pay no matter what but we wanted a discount and we were going to get it. The Assisted place will reduce the cost by nearly a half and that will be such a great help for the next two years (and a term). We now have to find another £350 for the uniform and then it's the extra £167 for the school minibus. We don't mind paying for that as it means we don't have to worry about getting our daughter to school. What was really odd was our daughter didn't flinch when she heard how long the school day was? They start at 8.30am, lessons with a break at about ten-ish and then lunch at one all included in the price. The food sounds scrummy and lots of selection for the girls. There's a couple of lunch time clubs including a jazz club which the headmistress had my daughter earmarked for with her clarinet playing. Then at 2pm it's more classes but for instance one afternoon a week girls have a whole afternoon of sport. On Thursdays it's year 11's turn. My daughter is going to be doing this on Monday - Sport afternoon and hopefully it's trampolining or if it's hockey she'll probably cry. 4pm is the end of school day officially but most girls do not go home then and apparently there was a furore with parents of the girls who came home by minibus at 4pm because they were missng out on everything. So now the minibus goes home later and the minibus girls have tea at 4pm with the boarders - Just a light snack! Other girls can do this too if they are staying for a club. After their snack, they have clubs whch are varied and many. If she's not doing a club then they have 'Prep' rooms which I've now learnt is homework! I guess I shall have to learn these new terms. My daughter will not get home until 6pm and it will be a long day for her to get used too. She's had to change one of her GCSE options but she's been told to try the subjects out and see how she feels because she can always change again if she's not happy.

I never thought I'd be sending my child into the private world of education but she's excited about it and looking forward to it and she never felt like that about her old school? Maybe this is what is right for her?

We'll soon find out on Monday.

Masterchef

Sorry Jaded I've just deleted your lovely comments by mistake but you know I think you're fab and a guru who I look up too - In fact I may just call you Guru Jaded from now on!

I found a blog for David Hall, of Masterchef goes Large fame who sadly was knocked out last year and this year made it through to the semi finals and then got knocked out again. I can understand why, but I think he has taken old fashioned foods and made them inspirational. I left a message of support and very kindly he has thanked me (see yesterday's comments NOT deleted!). I'll put his blog page as a link so that anyone who wants a good recipe can go and pick up some ideas there.

(Masterchef Goes Large presenters showing off their large tools!)

Yesterday my blog entry was full of upset because of a comment made the previous day on my website http://www.freewebs.com/chronicpain/ This someone who had little contact with me and had no idea of how deeply I HAD been affected by certain people. I use my blog like millions of other people I name no names and I doubt many people reading this now are going to change their lives because of what I say here.

The truth is painful for some people yet not for us all.

Sad.....

Weird message posted at my website guestbook. I deleted it as I would with any inappropriate message, but it stated that apparantly I'm not saying very nice things about people?

I freely admit that TONY BLAIR is a tosser and anything I write here is backed up with evidence of the truth. Anyone in the UK for instance knows that Blair is a tosser! As for those who have hurt me and others on the net, I've been left bereft by certain people and I know others have and this blog is for my emotions and MY emotions only. I don't name names because sometimes those people have lied about who they really are so what is the point. The person who left the message was someone who became a friend or so I thought but I do not know if this is tue now after that message?

This blog and my website are the only places I have of safety on the net nowadays. I've decided to walk away from forums (sorry) because I cannot be sure of who people are. I KNOW who my real friends are and will always stay in touch with them. They know I will never let them down and I will always stand by them no matter what. Anyone reading this will only see the facts and not for instance not see what happened with that person who lied about having cancer for instance. No one will know how I tried so hard to get her to be honest with everyone? No one......I lie, a friend of mine knows how many tears I cried thinking that particular person was dying and I thought this was a friend....

Choose your friends wisely.

Money Money Money.....

Going to visit Posh School on Thursday afternoon and taking darling daughter with us. Have advised Posh School that I am disabled and cannot manage to go mad and climb all the Posh stairs. A reduced tour which will cover what we want it to and will make sure my daughter sees the sports facilities and music department, is going to be the solution.

My daughter wanted to go to Posh School (sorry think it's hysterical that my daughter is going to such a nice school and yes I think it is highly likey that she is going to go there). I can't help calling it Posh School and that is how it is going to stay. We talked last night and madam daughter mentioned to me how she wanted to go to said school in year seven (she's in year nine now). We had decided that if she hadn't got into her present school then we would have put her into Posh School but because her present school has such a good reputation, we really wanted her to go there. Now the girl is as flat as pancake due to the 'squishing process' of that school and it's happiness of making sure talented academic kids do well and special needs kids catch up. Darling daughter was told by her big band conducter to ask for an additional GCSE course which this teacher would support her application (the applications have closed). The teacher said Beth would get an A*, the highest grade (of course). We will not allow our daughter to put herself through another exam because this means she would have to do this course on a Monday evening and yet another course to study for. Her total would be 11 GCSEs with an half in RE to add to the pot. If she goes to Posh School it will be 8 GCSEs with 2 halves which may well add up to a whole in an odd looking subject. Isn't it important that you do better in fewer subjects than badly in more? If my daughter swaps school it will mean she can do music GCSE too....... And we are prepared to pay whatever it costs to give her a good education.

So off we go to see the school on Thursday.......Interesting few days.

Monday again?

Been a bit tearful today? So read blog entry from yesterday and had a good laugh.

Actually everyone would had been laughing at me today if you could have seen me. I decided to go out and pick up a few bits and bobs at the local shops and went into 'Claires' to but some hairbands. For some reason I took my scooter in and didn't leave it outside and it was in the way of some hairbands; I had got out to pick up the bright red hair dye which my son will demand for Red Nose Day.....noticed the scooter needed moving and went over to move it.......and crashed it into a shelf of assorted hair accessories. Not only did I do that but after I this I then moved the scooter and reversed it into a lady's legs! Oh hell did I want the ground to eat me up. The woman was so nice and said it was her fault and asked if I was OK? I was as soon as I sat down in my scooter! I then left shame faced and made myself feel better by going into Thorntons (the chocolate shop for those who live on another planet), and was praised by the shop assistant for my nimble driving (he he). All in all I enjoyed today, I managed to get out and brought everyone in the family a cake and myself some chocolate - Ah all is right with the world

Night night

This is SO TRUE

I'D LOVE TO BE EIGHT AGAIN

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.
"I'd love to be eight again" she replied.

On the morning of her birthday he rose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops and then took her off to the local theme park. What a Day! He put her on every ride in the park: The Death Slide, The Wall of Fear, The Screaming Monster Roller Coaster.

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. Right away they journeyed to a McDonalds where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate milk shake.

Then it was off to the movies: the latest Star Wars epic, a hotdog, popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, her favourite lolly and M&Ms . What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed onto the bed exhausted. .............. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked
"Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?"
....................... Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed
"I meant my dress size, you f*ckin tw*t" The moral of this story: Even when a man is listening, he's still going to get it wrong.

Could not resist!

Homework

Still doing our research on posh school and it has an outstanding government report and maybe it has spare places but so do most schools? The irony is that the school she is currently at is oversubscribed this year by 126 places! Many parents want their children to go there but the system is designed for bright and those in need and not the midlings. It drives me insane.....

Pain is still crucifying horrible and I have horrible leg ache to go with backache but the rice and fish worked and I must thank a nice person on a forum I found a few days ago. I've been avoiding forums as I don't like the fear factor of getting to know people anymore. Too many nutty people have let me down in the past from those who post messages and say "You've offended me?" But you don't have a clue who that person is? That particular woman was I think mentally ill and I spent time placating her and then two weeks later, a wrong word sent her off the wall again. She went loopy (bless her). Probably lots about her that I did not realise and should have left alone as one friend told me too.

Old story but when I found out about a person who I thought I was close to but with had in fact lied about having cancer, I signed up to a detective organisation. In the states there are so many PI websites and lots of them have incorrect information about people and you have to sift out what is accurate and what is not or you could be accusing people of something that is totally untrue. Of course having friends who can phone up and confirm facts is helpful but to then find out this lier was falsifying documents and putting them on her blog! It became a farce and I withdrew with dignity and allowed her to play her game after all she was doing it before I came along wasn't she? I also found out though that a woman who had stalked me and set up an email account with my old forum user name was in fact making her own stories up about herself. She had stated that there was a woman who had moved in with her and her husband and then stolen from her but I found legal documentation which appeared to confirm that SHE was not even married and was a woman who had moved in with a married couple who had moved away from the state she lives in?

So homework is the only answer or at least I found that was the way I had to deal with it. I hated it and that's why I have withdrawn.

Trying to do some work on the website today. Fingers crossed.

Posh school

Got the prospectus for the nice school we are considering for our daughter.

Think they need to get 'bums on seats' as they have offered a place without even asking her to take the exam that is cleary stated on the prospectus but maybe that is for the children that come from abroad? The school takes boarders as well as flexi-boarding. Only 25% of the girls board though and the vast majority are from the county.

Going to get darling daughter to read the GCSE booklet later and the prospectus too and make an appointment to look at the school next week. It has wonderful facilities and the last Government report stated it was an outstanding school in practically every aspect. So as long as we can fork out the fees we can get our DD in there.......... Hard decisions coming up.

Pain is up today and I feel rough (obviously). My back hurts because my gallbladder was playing up all evening and into the night and doubling over in pain causes back pain when your spinal cord isn't as healthy as a normal persons. I shall be eating rice with fish today because that will not hurt my tum. Oh I hope not anyway. It seems to be one thing after another and I wonder if my thyroid has anything wrong with it at all now? Maybe the strain on my body from those results was because of the gallbladder? Does not explain why no monthly cycle for a year though?

Happy Saturday

Letter to my gallbladder

Dearest gallbladder,

It's 11.50pm and I've taken so much pain medication this evening but not for my normal pain. No would you believe it is because of YOU. I am having another attack but you know that don't you. It is almost as if I went to the GP yesterday and said. "It flared up a couple of weeks ago and now its fine" and YOU, you sodding thing heard me!!!!
You have been so painful ever since and the colic is unbearable. I've doubled my celebrex and I'm taking extra in the evening but that said it does not get rid of it at all. Then there's the nausea......... Oh hell. Excuse the pun but I am sick of it.

I WANT THAT SCAN NOW! I hope the GP gets it quickly like he said he would and it better indicate I have gallstones because if not I don't know what I'm going to do?

Going to go to a few big forums and ask about natural remedies and get my acupuncturist to stick needles in you. I know you are feeling tender because I can feel you under my ribcage. You've given me enough gas to fill 100 helium balloons.

Now gone 11pm........

Will you let me sleep?

Will you let me eat tomorrow?

What is your job anyway and I can function without you anyway.

Regards

UNHAPPY AND IN PAIN

State V Private School?

Dilema time and it's going to be a hard one.

My daughter has been giving us a challenging time in recent months no years with her education. When she was four and a half she was offered a scholorship to a private school and we turned it down in favour of a state school. We did not like the idea of the private school in the end because it was a bit of a hot house and we knew we could not really afford it for her and her brother.

Wind on nine years and we now have a 13 and a half year old who has drifted through education. We had her half year profile and nearly all her teachers commented that she was spending most of her time chatting but none of them were telling us. We had spoken to a couple of the teachers beforehand and so knew of some of what to expect but now all is out in the open. When we went to the open evening we asked "WHY were we not told and the only reply was that when a teacher has 300 pupils he sees every week and 30 are a bit chatty, he/she can't phone all their parents!" Well that teacher should if it affecting that child's education!

Hubby and I have been racking our brains and have also been looking into tutors and private alternative education. It will cost us all of our savings (and the rest) but what is more important? We've now found a good school - A very good school with small classes and unbelievably they have a place for our daughter and possibly we may be able to negotiate on the fees too. We have spoken to our daughter about it and also spoken to her brother because he is a totally different child and does not need the same sort of education as her. He florishes at school and works hard where as our daughter needs someone to push her all the time. Her school will not do this and so now this dilema hits us.

We don't believe in private education, I'm a state school governor who is seriously thinking of taking her child out of state school...............And then there's the cost?

What to do?

Will be getting the full brochure and GCSE brochure tomorrow as my daughter needs to pick out her options from the list. Oh dear, what to do?

Gallbladder

Back from the GP.

He's ordered a scan and wants me to have it quickly as he's not happy that I'm having gallbladder problems as in his words "You're not 40 yet" The bowel issue, he was not too concerned about as I explained to him, I had been experiencing the joys of (hhmmm hmmm, clear throat, still can't say it at tea time) for some time now and it wasn't an issue and I wasn't in pain as I had hardly any sensation there. He's told me what I can do and there are options if I choose to go down that path. The gallbladder is the first thing to deal with and I need to get the scan out of the way and make sure it is just gallstones as I don't want any other problems in my life. I'm sure it is nothing else as I feel fine in general - All things considered that is.

On the total other hand, I've got my glucosomine on prescription but my GP cannot work out how it helps me as I do not have Athritis? I told him I was writing a website all about chronic pain and I would let him know when I had any creditable info other than my own knowledge that it WORKS!

Morning Arguments

Yet again today started with my daughter not wanting to leave her bed and the battlen then began - THE BATTLE ALL PARENTS AROUND THE WORLD WILL UNDERSTAND.

....Grunt "I DON WANNA GE UP" (Isn't is surprising how my daughter loses the ability to pronounce her words correctly first thing?)

"It's 7.45.am, you need to leave the house in fifteen minutes, now get up or I will throw water over you!"

"I AM UP" (Said in a muffled tone which can only be said from under a duvet)

"It's 7.55 and you will be late for school."

8am passes by and my daughter is still not out of her room and she needs to be on her way but today there is no sign of this because today it was a FULL SCALE WAR. She decided that she was "Doin' my haw" or hair to those of us not speaking in a sarcastic tone and how she managed it in 2 minutes flat is beyond me. When she did eventually come out of her 'pit' (again those of you who understand teenagers know their bedrooms are disgusting)...When she came out and I told her "Your hair looks nice" Guess what happened next?
She pulled out the newly tussled hair and told me I was lying to her!
I can't win can I?

We then had a huge fall out and madam and I was had madam decide to be extremely rude to me which I would not tolerate. I told her she was not going to school until she apologised which led to a stand off for s small period of time. I dealt with this by strategically not talking for a while. Now exhausted by it all.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Very proud

Hi all,

Go and read BIGMOUTH if you haven't already. I'm showing off really but I like that entry today more than usual as it's personal to many of my friends and I know you read here. So many of us suffer with chronic pain and it is an issue close to my own heart (not that I have used the drug concerned).

Today is recovery day and I feel OK although my head was crashing this morning; every movement made me feel sick and I still have that thud when I move. I've not been able to add much to my website today because of it and I set myself high targets and it bugs me when I can't do what I set out to do. Tomorrow is another busy but enjoyable one with hydrotherapy with the 'Thursday belles' We love meeting at the pool where we chat about all sorts including our men, our children and our bowels! Farting is actually very comical and can iunduce a lot of laughter when you are feeling rough and if one of use is feeling down another one of the girls will bring that person up. Acupuncture will follow - Ahhhh I can't wait because I need this baaaaaad (Have I turned into a sheep? lol) Then a break followed by a governors meeting and a GP appointment where I need to talk about .....my bowels and gallbladder. That is going to be embarressing. Needs to be done and I cannot put it odd any longer.

Wish me luck.

MRI - Gating? ALL OVER!

I'M HOME, quite obviously or I would not be typing this. All went well and the journey back was not too bad as I dozed off for part of it. Going up......Oh not so good but we can't be perfect can we?

So the scan? I had a normal MRI on my lumbar/sacral spinal cord and followed this with another couple of scans whilst I had one of those finger monitors attached to my digits. This measured my heart rate and in turn they then scanned my cervical cord which apparently could tell how much movement there was in my spinal cord? I'm now intrigued by this thought and will be looking this up on the net to see how this is works.

Speak later.

Tunnel of Doom

Off to the MRI machine today............

Wouldn't mind but I have to travel 120 miles (or there abouts) just to have this one completed!
I wish my Neurosurgeon would organise these things locally, after all, I could get this on a disc and so could HE.

ARRGGH Time again because I am so going to hurt because of this and I still hurt from this flare up. I am sitting on my bed in absolute pain. I can't say agony because it is not. I would dearly love to cancel today as my legs are burning and I hate wearing tousers on days like these.....Now that would be funny wouldn't it?......
"There have been reports of a half naked woman on the M25"...
Don't worry I'll keep my knickers on and won't shock childen and animals.

My daughter kicked off as usual with me heading off to the 'BIG' hospital but I'm seeing the BIG man so it's nothing special and I hate the reason why I'm going.

Off I go, Tally ho!

Shootin' the monster

SOMEONE HAS TOO!

It's got to the point now that I'm in "DON'T CARE" mode. I am better than I was but still the little bugger is beating me around the body and I have had ENOUGH.

I now have an added problem with my bowels and I don't really want to publish this as it is rather a delicate matter but put it this way.........something not nice is happening. I need to seek help and speak to my GP and find another doc who isn't like the last idiot I saw who can only be described as a complete and utter ar**h*le (fill in the letters - it is fairly easy). This was the man that decided after ONE appointment and ten weeks after I had my spinal surgery that I needed to have my whole BOWEL removed! Of course my bowel was acting rather oddly back then and as was my bladder. I had just had spinal surgery. It still plays up and I'm now having problems and I think I either have internal piles or I keep tearing which is not nice and not something to talk about on a blog - BUT WHY NOT? We need to make sure these things are discussed so that people like me are not scared and do check these sorts of things out because right now I am scared. I'm also worried I will end up with that prat of a doctor again and I do not want that.

My tummy is tender and I'm not taking too many pain meds so that I can keep an eye on how my tum is but of course that means my legs are burning even more. I look a right sight (No you don't wan to think of that image.

I also have a craving for chocolate????????

Lunar Eclipse

Before I go, (actually have taken a bit of oramorph and feel up to a couple of seconds more blogging)

Who saw the Lunar Eclipse last night? WOW

Damn PAIN!

Day three of pain flare up now and beginning to lose to will to live (not literally) but oh my legs are burning and on feel like I've rubbed hot chillies on them - Talking of which I've found out that I can get on prescription a cream made from hot chillies which apparently gets rid of the burning pain! Interesting.

I've started a website and it's of course all to do with chronic pain. It is the biggest subject in my life and the one I have the most knowledge about. I'm added a fair amount of information already and will be adding readers stories including one from my son who was eager to add his own words. I have also askd my daughter if she would like to do the same thing as my son as I did not want her to feel left out. It was actually my son's decision and I was amazed to hear him come out with it but proud too ........Proud of any choices my kids make.

Counseling on Friday was interesting. I went along with my daughter to this new innitiave called Family Solutions and helps families finds ways to help themselves. Just in 45 minutes we have uncovered a major major breakthrough of mega proportions of which I had an inkling but I had confirmation and added clarity. I don't want to go into it as my daughter and I have agreed to keep it between ourselves but I am pleased we took this path.

Sunday again and in two days time I have a SIX HOUR round trip (oh hell) for a singular lumbar/sacral MRI. The scan will be over in 30 minutes yet it could tell me why pain has increased. Yes it could indicate nothing and tell me that nothing is any different and the reason my pain is like this is because my spinal cord is damaged and that is that.

Need pain meds......................

Tears

Terrible forces of nature have left many dead in America today. I only spoke to a friend a couple of days ago who told me how snow had left the vast majority of the state that she lives in under a state of emergency. I've talked more about the tornados on my bigmouth but it's an overspill to the journal because I know so many people who live Stateside.

I used to speak to a person who claimed to live Georgia? Because she suddenly disappeared when I found out about other people who were not who they claimed to be, I now know she did not really exist. She was a woman who claimed to have things wrong but then never backed them up with information. We all meet them in life and sadly the Ms Rocks in life are more abundunt in life now that the internet is around. We can hide behind a computer that does not need to show our faces and make up photos from ones which are plentiful in cyberworld.

My pain levels are right up today and I know why. It's my son's assessment with a counselor today and then my daughter and my first session with our counselor! I'm not particularly worried about it as I've experienced counseling before so why the pain is higher is beyond me? I had wanted to go out this morning but there is no way I want to move right now. I'm thinking of postponing my son's appointment as it's at midday (or there abouts) where as the second one of the day is at 5pm. I can handle that.

********OH GOOD NEWS************

MY SON HAS GOT INTO HIS PREFERRED SENIOR SCHOOL!
This happens to be the same school that my daughter goes to which his highly over subscribed so obviously very very popular. The school has sent a whole load of 'gumph', pieces of paper to fill in - locker forms, pupil/parent/school contract (which I NEVER sign as I do not agree with as I expect my children to behave and do not expect to sign a piece of paper to say they will!) so I now have writers cramp (he he) but happy to have what I expected to recieve.

I think I need to lie back a bit though as I'm sitting in my bed and I hurt so much today. If I'm going to manage to get to this counseling session later then I need all the help I can get. I'd hoped that the letter (package weighing half a ton!) would cheer my pain away but no it's still here. I need som help today and lots of Oramorph I think? What has put a smile on my face is a friend in OZ has sent some pics of her grandson and I might just stick one on my blog because anyone who is feeling sad would undoubtably be cheered to see his little face light up their world (and she's said I could post his pic before so I guess I'm allowed!)

Happy St David's Day

History lesson today in honour of my Welsh friends

Today is St David's Day the patron saint of Wales S T. D A V I D, the Holiest Son of Wales.
Born: AD 487at Carfai, Pembrokeshire Died: 1st March AD 589 at St. Davids, Pembrokeshire

So Waving daffodils to you all!!

The life-story and legends of St. David are largely based on his biography written by one Rhygyfarch in the late 11th century. He is generally accepted as having been the son of a lady of noble Irish birth living in Dyfed. Lady Non by name, she had taking on a religious life, joining the convent at Ty Gwyn near Whitesands Bay. However, her beauty brought her to the attention of Sandde, a prince of the adjoining Kingdom of Ceredigion, while he was travelling nearby. His advances were, of course, vehemently rejected but the Royal lord would not take no for an answer and forced his passions upon the unfortunate Non.

The poor girl fell pregnant with the future St. David: a man of such holiness that even from the womb he, apparently, performed miracles. For an old story tells how, during her pregnancy, Non entered a certain church to listen the preaching of the local priest - he is said to have been St. Gildas but he was somewhat younger than David - and immediately the man was struck dumb.

Because her child was soon to excel all religious teachers, the cleric found himself unable to continue whilst in the great man's presence.He was eventually born in the middle of a violent storm at Caerfai, on the coast just south of Mynyw (St. Davids), where a ruined chapel still marks the very spot. Traditionally, this was around AD 462, though recent work by Carney suggests AD 487 to be a more likely date.

Non named her son, Dewidd, but he was commonly called Dewi from the local Dyfed pronunciation. David is an English version taken from the Latin, Davidus. He was brought up, by his mother, in Henfeynyw (Vetus Rubus) near Aberaeron and, at a young age, was baptised by his maternal cousin, St. Eilfyw. David may have been educated by St. Colman of Dromore, but seems unlikely. David was greatly attracted to the Welsh Church and, when he became a man, he was soon ordained a priest.

He travelled to the island of Wincdi-Lantquendi (possibly Whitland) in order to study under St. Paulinus of Wales. He stayed there for at least ten years, but is also said to have studied under St. Illtud at Llanilltud Fawr (Llantwit Major) around this time. David was a star pupil and even cured Paulinus of his blindness. Our saint then began to travel the country, evangelising as he went. He is said to have founded twelve monasteries in Southern Wales, though many of these are erroneous later claimants. PC Bartrum suggests that possible genuine foundations may have included Glasgwm (Elfael), Colfa (Elfael), Llangyfelach (Gwyr), Llanarthne (Ystrad Tywi) and Betws (Ystrad Tywi). He also visited the court of King Proprius of Ergyng - probably King Peibio Clafrog - and cured his blindness too.

Eventually, David returned to Henfeynyw where he met up with his relation, Bishop Gwestlan. The two were neighbours and companions for some time, before the Welsh patron moved on to nearby Rhoson Uchaf (Rosina Vallis) near Mynyw (St. Davids). He was accompanied by a number of disciples, including Aeddan, Teilo and Ysfael, and together they founded the monastery of Mynyw (St. Davids). An Irish chieftain, named Bwya, living at nearby Castell Penlan, was not best pleased at this invasion of monks and plotted to drive them out. His wife sent her maidservants to bathe naked in the River Alun and tempt David and his followers, but the clerics were far from impressed. Misfortune soon befell the Irish couple and David was able to settle down without further harassment.

By this time, David's fame as a spiritual leader was becoming widespread throughout Britain. He became known as 'the Waterman' - David Aquaticus (Dewi Dyfyrwr) - because he encouraged his followers to live drink and bathe in cold water. He attracted pupils from many walks of life, including retired monarchs like St. Constantine of Dumnonia. From Mynyw (St. Davids), they spread the Word of God, travelling across the country and especially to Ireland. St. Aeddan crossed the Irish Sea and founded the monastery of Ferns from where a premonition warned him that David was about to be poisoned. He sent his companion, Ysgolan, to save the great saint from assassination; which he did. Other Irish visitors included Bishop Barre to whom David lent a miraculous horse which carried him home across the sea!David then decided to undertake a pilgrimage to Jerusalem with SS. Teilo and Padarn. It is said that they were there consecrated bishops by the patriarch. Upon his return to Wales, in AD 545, David was persuaded by SS. Deiniol, Bishop of Bangor Fawr, and Dyfrig, Bishop of Ergyng (and said to be Archbishop of Wales) to attend the Synod of Llandewi Brefi, which had been convened to discuss disipline within the church and to stamp out the Pelagian Heresy. St. Paulinus of Wales had recommended his old pupil, since his six-foot stature made him ideal for addressing the vast crowds. The story goes that David spoke so eloquently before his peers that a hill miraculously raised up beneath him. Dyfrig resigned his Archiepiscopate in David's favour; and he moved the cathedral from Caerleon to his own foundation at Mynyw (St. Davids). The elderly St. Gildas is said to have disputed the appointed, but SS. Cadog and Finnian of Clonard ruled in favour of David. In fact, it is unlikely that an archiepiscopal see existed in Wales at this time, but David's monastery does seem to have eclipsed the influence of the more easterly church.

A second synod, of Victoria, was summoned some years later, in AD 569, to re-assert the anti-pelagian decrees agreed at Brefi.It was possibly around this period that David is said to have visited Glastonbury in Somerset. He had learnt of the abbey's great sanctity and wished to dedicate the building. However, upon his arrival, he apparently had a dream in which the Lord appeared to him and declared that he had already dedicated the church in honour of his mother, St. Mary. So, David decided instead to extend the so-called 'Old Church' erected by St. Joseph of Arimathea and erected a more extensive building to the east. David died at Mynyw (St. Davids) on Tuesday 1st March AD 589 and was buried in his cathedral, where his relics are still venerated to this day. He must have been extremely old.