Pain program

So following on from what I was told and be warned I may have to cut this short or this entry may be rather bad because I have horrible pain today. The psychologist told me that in the pain management program I would learn some techniques on how to deal and cope (same thing?) with pain (Hope they're new?); I'd have a session with pharmacists and another with pain docs to discuss medications etc; the second to last session would be a half day and the last was a whole day (10am till 3pm). If this was for tomorrow she's right I wouldn't cope with it so it's better to wait.

I see my Neurosurgeon next Monday and I hope my pain levels have dropped by then because I hurt like hell today. Yesterday I told the pysc that I was waiting for the good patch to go away and I never enjoy the good times as I'm always looking over my shoulder for those bad times. The PM program will help me because apparently it will help me get my head around this better. My pain is never going to get much better than this and I have to be realistic. I'm going to ask my surgeon about this 'dead nerve' business and ask why I'm having so much pain from it. Its difficult for him because he has to answer this although he did not do the surgery. It would have been nice to see the surgeon who DID the surgery, I'm in sixes and sevens about it. Hopefully, both will be there!

My sciatic nerve is hurting today and on top of this I'm having terrible new pain in my pelvic area. I can't explain what the pain feels like but nothing is getting rid of it? I've written to my PM doc and asked if he can suggest a solution to take instead of CELEBREX and I'll phone up my GP tomorrow in case he's emailed there and there's a script awaiting me with an anti inflammatory which may help more. The thing is I also asked for an increase in my MST (Morphine Sulphate).......I'm again torn as to what to do because I've had another good patch where I coped with taking my daily dose plus an extra 30mgs not the 60mgs that I asked for. I'd calculated this 60mgs on the previous two weeks when I'd had a normal pattern of flare ups and calmer days. I've already taken 60mgs today and I still hurt.........and I forgot to say that I did NOTHING AT ALL last week because if you remember it was my mum's birthday and I was desperate to be able to get up to her grave and put some flowers there. Nothing else was important last week. I cannot continue doing nothing, I need a life and my personal sadness is that to have a life I need to medicate myself and I hate this so much. I live day to day and don't think about the future because I don't know what future I have? I hope to live to see my kids have kids and I hope I can get my pain levels down and with it my head will feel less cluttered.