I wrote what I did above about 3 hours ago and now my husband is sitting on the couch with a smile on his face which is a rarity. I'm still not smilling. I do not know what to do?
We talked and we talked and I gave yet another ultimatum and my husband decided that he wants to stay here. I'm not sure if he wants to stay at the family home with the children and 'security' or if it is because it is with me? My heart is full of sorrow and I feel so sad...... Thankfully the kids are not at home; both are at friends houses and I'm grateful as it has given me some space. I can take time out to tap away at my keyboard and he can sit and sulk in his corner......and smile (hooray) now and then.....I love his smile! I wish he'd do it more and if only he would do it more? It has been a hard week and I am about to post another entry about the neurosurgeon appointment because that is a different matter.....Actually the two go hand in hand because pain makes our relationship harder and my husband uses my pain as an excuse. If only he would stop doing this! If only he would see me instead of the disability? I am so sick of that pain monster and if it wasn't for my kids I know I would have given up on this marriage years ago. I don't think I even would want to live with this life anymore......
Maybe I feel this way because of what has happened yet again today. I can't stand the thought of another attack of the pain monster which is going to hit because I went to the hydropool today and decided to go a little mad. After having a brill time at the pool I did NOT expect that I'd hit such a low later on. I needed to call a friend but the two choices I had were both out at work at the time and so I had no one to talk to and so I only had my blog........ Don't know where to go or what the future holds but one thing is for sure I know that my life is not a made up life like some peoples! I was reading about a person who used to write to me and I've since found out she was one of those multi personas....Goodness knows what is going on with her??? It's all make believe!
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