So, I wet my pants sometimes?

I've been in the most horrible flare up and my emotions have been all over the place. I've spoken to a couple of friends in America and I'm talking to my friends this side of the world who are in the same boat as me and this helps me realise I'm not alone and then of course I feel ashamed of myself for the self pity! I've been trying to call one of my friends who I'm worried about but I couldn't get through to her on Monday and yesterday she was out. I'll be honest, I couldn't stop crying yesterday anyway because my pain was so high and my husband had to take the laptop off my lap as I had this sudden kick of almighty nastiness - what other word can I use? I hated yesterday.......Such a terrible day which left me frightened about today. The fact I hadn't slept the night before didn't add to my mood and in the end hubby tucked me up in bed and brought me and my daughter a Chinese Takeaway, (our fave) and we chatted about teenage stuff upstairs in my bedroom.

I've tried to come off CELEBREX.......It is not possible. My pain is catastophic and I do not use that word unless I have too. Last night I didn't know what to do with myself and so in the end I took an extra 10mgs of AMITRIPTYLINE and took some extra ORAMORPH a little earlier than I should of and it knocked me out for an hour. I'd hoped for longer but looked at the clock and couldn't believe it? Then.....GOOD NEWS! I fell asleep for four hours non stop. The meds worked and I crashed out. I've learnt to keep very still when I sleep because any movement controls the pain monster and that will wake him and me up. It is not very nice to know that my life is so controlled by such a horrible monster but that is the way it is.

This morning, I've just had my first bi-annual CYSTOSCOPY which in itself is not that bad and only took a few minutes but because of the pain, the build up was horrible. My muscles refused to de-tense (If that is the word?)

I met the urologist who was doing the process who was OK I suppose.....Not my usual chap who is a lovely man. This one I tried to joke with but could not? Oh well.....never mind. I told him my pharmacist had told me I could not take the medication prescribed last Friday by my Urologist because it interacts with my celebrex and he laughed. He told me they use it all the time and he's never seen it cause problems unless a person is epileptic. I told him I also take anti epilieptic medications for my pain. (I don't think he understands pain too well because he didn't really appear to understand this much) But anyway he said he would give me another med that I'd taken before. He then asked me about how things were going and how often I cathed and I told him about what was going on and remembered to tell him about how I kept wetting my pants at night! Yes terribly embarressing and the one thing I forgot to tell my own Urologist. I explained to this Uro that sometimes because my bladder works better, I don't need to cath as much (twice minimum); however, on some days I may need to cath 6-7 times. He's told me I need to be cathing at least 3-4 times by what I just told him and to make sure I cath before I go to bed WHICH I ALWAYS DO! The other night though speaks volumes - I cathed at 11pm then woke at 4am and needed to go again then at 5.20am my bladder let go while I was sleeping. Thankfully it was a very small amount because of the cathing an hour or so before. I doubt the infection is helping matters!

So I then went and had the CYSTOSCOPY which uses a flexible tube to look inside your bladder.
Everything was fine except to say I have a rampant infection which we already knew about! The urologist decided that I need to have a very strong antibiotic to combat the very severe infection and so I am now looking forward to the side effects of that as well. Hopefully I will be OK with this!!!

I don't feel as stiff and uncomfortable as earlier thankfully. Obviously it was partly to do with the tenseness of worry and also I have not had acupuncture for 3 weeks. My acupuncturist has had surgery 3 weeks ago and she's back at work this week but only part time. I'm seeing her tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it as I also enjoy chatting with her. She has a very interesting life and I like her as part of my life. Talking of talking - Going to ring up the friend I was talking about earlier (The one I couldn't get hold of!) I hope she's in toda as if not I'm going to cry!!!!!