Thursday, May 31, 2007
I wonder?
Just a thought because some of them are very odd.
Have a stomach ache. Bloody gallbladder. Phoned up the GP and the receptionist is going to "Look out for me". Thanks love...... Goodness knows how long this whole process takes but at least I have my favourite programme to keep me going all summer. Going to have to put myself on a low carb, low fat diet though as I'm hurting!!!!!!!!!!
Joined a new Big Brother forum. It's my first time back with forums for some months and I will only tempt myself in as gently as possible. It seems a friendly place and hopefully I won't be eaten alive.
House is on and VERY interesting.......
Big Brother 8
The cast of this great show of wannabes are a weird bunch this year and I think will be highly watchable. We started off with TWINS, yes 18 year old twins called Manda and Sam. Maybe we could stick the two together and form a Samanda? Sounds like a snake and not the giggly pink loving twins which graced the TV screen last night. Lesley a 60 chair of her local WI walked up the BB parade ground and the crowd gave her a nice enough welcome. I think 'It Girl' Charley, aged 21 (I think) came next and boy was booed. I must admit I have not taken too her. She's a bit tart but without a heart. The others came long the BB now well known welcome/booed path in a blur and I can't remember the order? Was it Yorkshire Poshspice lookalike Chanelle, 19 (have had to look up her name as she is instantly forgettable), or was Tracey, with an 'E', the 36 year old cleaner by day and mad pink haired raver by night. She looks light fun and the crowd liked her too. Then we had Shabnam or Shabs/z, 28 (not sure whether its an 's' or a 'z' yet), who looks like Amy Winehouse and also last night I thought she also might be a transexual? Not so sure today though after seeing her in a bikini and wishing I had a bidy half as good! Emily a 19 year old.....Who's she? Oh yes the posh bird, the one who's an aspiring actress and using the show to get herself on the TV (clever girl!) She could read by the age of two ya know? Sounds by her accent that the posh private school was worth every penny! Welsh nanny fun, loud, Laura, 22 (need to double check that age), paraded up the path next and closely followed by man hating Nicky. (Don't know her age but possibly twenty something). I haven't got anything to say about her? Another dullard then? Highly likely..... Last but by no means least was I think the best housemate. Another loud 50+ "Say No To War", "Save Our Hospitals, "Pay More To Nurses" Carole. Her home made placards were on show for all to see and the audiance loved her. Lets be honest most of us nowadays are anti-war since Iraq has gone tits up. "Oooh I've got goosebumps" giggled the host Davina, as the crowd roared their support for Carole which was the total opposite of "Get 'er owt!" for Charley.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Missing Maddy.....Neglectful Parents?
Win My Kidneys!
Unbelievably the public are deciding who is being given a possible new life or even a surgery which could KILL THEM while the other contestants would be left with either continueing dialysis which cannot go on forever? This could be their one and only chance and it should be the doctors who decide WHO gets a person's body parts not the general public.
Big Brother starts again tomorrow and I used to love this weird and sometimes wonderful show but I'm dreading it this year. The last 'celebrity' version became a farce and the production company did not help matters by allowing it to run the way it did. The problem is that WE want shows such as 'Mad Dying Dutch Woman Selling Kidneys' and "Big brother Race Fight" that never really was. We love to watch stupidity and if the police had been called in on BB I don't think it would have been half as fun.
I would like to think I still like Big Brother and now the production company have said ALL profits are going to charity and the cost of the call has been halved. I've been on the channel four website (the TV company who run BB), and you would not believe the amount of complaints I have seen on the website about that production company! Goodness knows how much profit has been made from stupidity.......because lets be honest you would have to be very stupid to keep phoning to "Kick out your least favourite housemate"!!!
Reality TV has become even sicker though with that vile Dutch show. It has to stop somewhere doesn't it?
Monday, May 28, 2007
Carnival!
It is HIDEOUS out there!
I'm staying in the comfort of my warm snug heated house thank you very much and that suits me fine. Mind you, I'm rather hungary now and could do with something to eat but it seems I have been forgotten? It is a bank holiday and we should be munching all day! Is that not the rules of a Holiday Monday?
My son has finally plucked up the courage and asked me to organise ballet lessons. He's looked up the 'uniform' and although it looks a bit camp he's up for it and says he'll be muscular enough to wear it when he's bigger. I've just emailed a place locally and hopefully they'll fit him in as it is only down the road. Billy Elliot eat ya heart out.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
How To Make A Pavlova
Now take a metal tablespoon and spoon the meringue mixture on to the prepared baking sheet, forming a circle about 8 inches (20 cm) in diameter. Then spoon round blobs next to each other so that they join up to form a circle all around the edge. Now, using the tip of a skewer, make little swirls in the meringue all round the edge, lifting the skewer up sharply each time to leave tiny peaks.
Now place the baking sheet in the oven, then immediately turn down the heat to gas mark 1, 275°F (140°C) and leave it to cook for 1 hour. (For important information about cooking at gas mark 1, Then turn the heat right off but leave the Pavlova inside the oven until it's completely cold.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Daughters
The only problem was that we had to have a row before school about it to find the problem out and now I feel sad for my daughter because she is going to lose this friend from her past because there is no way I or her dad will allow her in certain situations with her..........That said......my daughter HAS SAID NO!
I'm very proud of her even though this morning she drove me crazy and her behvaiour and rudeness was unacceptable.
Life with my little girl (who is 14 in two weeks time) can be such hard work at times yet at other times she's a joy to have around. I wish I would not snap at her though and need to learn to step back because this is not accpetable for me. My husband also does not work with together and then we fail to be a partnership.
Parenthood is never easy........
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Oh Shutup!
My entry which I lovingly wrote (OK wrote quickly because I hurt) was lost somewhere in blogland.
My pain levels have shot up this evening and I have no idea where this has come from? I woke with a splitting headache and this eased through the day........I don't need this.
Hubby is home and has left me no money to get my son to school tomorrow if I can't drive. Great, he'll have the day off then. That'll teach the moron to talk to me like I'm a piece of shite won't it!
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Obligation
I feel terrible.
I was asked last week by someone who I felt used to be a friend by I no longer feel that way. I felt pushed into a corner and said yes even though I knew I would struggle. Unfortunately unless you know what it is like to live each day with constant pain, you really do not understand how your life revolves around it, how your emotions are ruled by it and how dead you feel inside.
I wish with all my heart that I could do the things I used to do but for now they are a distant dream away. I wish those old friends would be there for me but they have walked away. Nice for them. When I've needed them they are not there. Thankfully I have friends around who do understand pain because they live with it and it makes me wonder if I am only allowed friends like this? Isn't life sad if this is the case! I would like a whole managerie!!!!
I think it is time to hand in my notice at the governing body. Time to move on but what next?
Just because right now I'm on go slow does not mean I always will be. This distresses me and angers me.
I can't INTERVIEW! I can do other things but maybe my heart is not in it anymore? I need to do some thinking about this because I don't know if my heart feels this way because of circumstances or because others are pushing me in too many directions I am unable to take?
Monday, May 21, 2007
Hutch huggers
Alas it is incorrect and will have to be exchanged and that is another cost for me I suppose? I don't know how this works and I'm going to have to talk to Judy as she is an expert on ebay. She's brought quite a few things in the past and I suspect she'll have all the advice I need.
Tired this morning and in a lot of pain again. I'm struggling to rid myself of this horrible pain monster who is attacking with vitriolic vengance. I know why and I have regrets in attempting to reduce my morphine because for 5 weeks I've had a lovely period of calmness. Now I feel like those walls of darkness are crowding in on me again. Can't type long actually as the laptop on my legs hurts like hell.
Boring talking about pain isn't it?
I've promised to help a friend with her blog and still haven't gotten around to it so if you read this Anin I apologise. Just Biggle hurting too much and I can't control it right now.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Jane Tomlinson
Who Jane is?
Here is a photo taken after her first marathon in 2001. Ring any bells?
Jane was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 26 back in 1990. She had two small daughters and everything to live for so that's what she did. She lived. She had a double mastectomy and thought all was fine. She had a further little boy Stephen and lived life to the full.
In 2000, doctors found that the cancer had spread to her bones and the diagnosis was bleak. Jane was given 6 months to live. Again Jane decided she was going to live. Her enormous mental and physical power has led her forward to undertake marathons, Iron man challenges and more recently a 4,200 mile bike ride across America. This ride was nearly never to be completed because of a rather gruelling chemo challenge beforehand and further bad news that the cancer has spread further to her liver. Her doctors were also concerned about the strain on her heart which has been weakened by the illness and the treatment. Plus her bones breaking because of the cancer itself.
Jane completes her challenges for charity and has raised 1.5 million pounds (about $3,000,000 approx). Some people have said she is faking her illness but she is desperately ill. I know what pain is like and I can see it in her eyes. It is almost like a desperation to will the monster away yet her condition is deteriorating and she is dying. I can NOT imagine what death and being told that THAT monster is near is like and she knows that feeling.
Her latest project is a 10 kilometre run in her home town of Leeds. She is unable to run anymore as the cancer has caught up with her but she will back every part of this. I'm linking the website here if you would like to give to her charity it is not for one singular cause but for many.
I fear that the 6 month prognosis from 7 years ago may now be closer than Jane wants. She has lived to see her first grandchild, raised £1.5 million for charity and inspired goodness knows how many to fight their own battles.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jane_Tomlinson
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Chealsea V Man United
Friday, May 18, 2007
When I thought I had made up my mind!
I knew today was going to be hard but wanted to HATE this alternative prep school. I wanted the Headmaster to be a rotter, someone my son would not take too but no, my son thought he was fantastic.......And so did hubby and I. He's already marked my son down as scholarship material which has cheered my son up no end as he felt almost as though being put in common entrance class was a failure? What rot! Common Entrance Exam is the equivalent of just below GCSE - What kids take at age 16. A scholarship would be like scoring an A in GCSE! I think my son will have to work hard and this Headmaster explained everything really well to us. He talked about Latin and science too because he said that's where many state schools lack in teaching. I said that as my son's godmother was also science coordinator at the school and my friend I would be quite angry with her if she did not give him a good leg up.
It was a nice visit. Not rushed like at the other school. The headmaster made us feel special and I think my mind is totally turned around even though the fees are much much higher and it's going to be a problem getting my son to school at times. My son said "I'll ride my bike mum". I'm sure he will......Even in the wind and rain?
We've worked out his state levels equate to somewhere in the middle of a privately educated child - Goodness knows how clever he would be if we had him in private schools from day one. I suspect my son is going to for a scholarship of some sort because that is the way he is. He has also changed his mind about his senior school! This prep school is linked to a certain senior school - The one my cousin sent her boys to but as boarders! Who would have thought I'd be sending my boy there (possibly?)
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Oh What On Earth Have I Done To My Back Now?
All I know is I am struggling to NOT move but as long as I lie on my bed here and do not move my arms to much then my pain does not cause me too much HELL ON EARTH.
It started with an excrutiating pain about 3pm this afternoon. Maybe driving yesterday was too much? Arrrhhhhh (Sorry - PAIN!!!!!!) Maybe it is too much upping and downs with these rabbits? Maybe remving the lid off the rabbit run is TOO MUCH (Yes that bit is true). Oh that reminds me I have brought another run so we now have two which is going to be much easier for me. The second one is bigger too 6x4x20" high. The rabbit who gets in there first is going to have a good time! Also comes with a little house and I managed to pick it up on Ebay for a brilliant price. It's my first proper auction and someone else had a gamble at the last moment and I won by a pound litterally in the dying seconds. I do wonder if some companies have people out there who bid up prices so that the final price ends up higher but to be honest I certainly didn't mind what I paid. We paid a combination of £95 for a run and now a little house to go inside of it and I've paid £74. Good price I say for a bigger run. It has taken my mind off how I feel put it that way.
House is on. Little girl with a gallbladder problem? Will be something more - Oh yes it is.....
Christ I hurt.
Dyslexia
I'm in two minds about it right now because at Junior/Infant school, my daughter ALWAYS managed to acheive 10/10 in her spellings so how can she now be dyselxic? Did she learn the shape of the word? She was always capable but she has always struggled and played up and I wonder if this is her way of getting out of doing the work because she could not do it?
Or on the other hand could it be that her senior school has allowed her standard of English to DROP to such a poor level? In the past three years it has dropped and that is a fact. It is clearly stated in her report and no one can deny that. I can only be happy now that we have moved her when we have to this alternative school because being in a class of nine is only going to benefit her. The last school had her in a class where most of the children mis-behaved and left the classroom half way through the lesson. I have been complaining to the head of department throughout the school year and it seems I was right too.
I have a letter to write to that school as we have not been sent ANY of her school books. I would have thought that was a matter of decency. They did not even offer any words of support to state our son would be educated in any a better standard if he was to attend that school Thank god he is not!
I have received a confirmation letter this morning offering my son a place at our first choice prep school. My son's taster day is all that is in the way now plus we need to look at this other alternative prep school tomorrow to ensure we are making the correct choice.
Big decisions but after what my daughter came home and said last night I know, and my husband knows we are making the right choice to take our children out of state education.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Madeleine Investigation - Cold?
Still cannot get this little girl out of my mind.
In all of the papers there is the story of the latest suspect who I won't name because he has not been charged. If he is guilty then fine. Trial by tabloids is not a fair game.
I hope this pretty little girl is alive but if she is then the frightening thought is that she is being abused and that is even worse. I saw a photo today of where her parents were drinking with friends and it was literally
50 yards from the flat where the child slept. I certainly do not agree with leaving a child but let us look back 20-30 years when WE ALL used to run around freely as children? My hairdresser told me today that she has a lady who's hair she regularly cuts and this lady used to work at Butlins. Back in the 70's if you wanted to go out and leave your kids for the night, you would hang your nappy on the door and the 'Yellow Coats' would listen at the doors where the nappies hung and if there was a cry, the parent would be informed.
Wasn't that more dangerous then? I remember going away with my parents and running around in the evenings freely. Did not matter about darkness and I hadn't a clue what a paedophile was?
Sadly life has changed.
3 suspects questioned, no further forward.
21 Ibs
The extra Celebrex have certainly eased the pain monster away. I sometimes wonder if I should bite the bullet and take the extra med all of the time? Would I then have no flare ups but my pain has in general got better. I have to admit this and I am happy to say this. I think it was Monday morning when I realised that my pain was a lot better than months previous. I felt very bad at that moment heading for the loo.......But I'm not CONSTANTLY in that sort of pain anymore.
The problem is I attempt to reduce my meds and when I do I end up feeling absolutely terrible? So what do I do? I'm desperate to be more active but I can't do that unless I have help and there's no one there to break my fall. Bloody ridiculous state of affairs.
I suppose I need to get the gallbladder sorted? And then the thyroid sorted? And then maybe my monthly cycle might just re-appear? Problem is that all of this came about after that spinal op in March 2006.
The title of the blog entry today is approximately how much weight I have lost over the past few weeks. I could afford to shed a few pounds as said before but weighing myself as made me realise how bad things are with this gallbladder problem? Hope that is all it is. Sure it is as those demon buggers looked like stones yesterday!
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Gallstones!
The scan itself was not too painful and the sonographer was as gentle as she could be. I had a flare again last night which kept me awake till the early hours and took an extra anti inflammatory to ease my inflammed gall which certainly it's cramped-ness and pain. Still hurt when that ultrasound gizmo jarred under my ribcage and caught my gallbladder!
I am also in the worst flare up I have experienced for some time. This pain does not want to go away and my legs are burning something rotten. I managed to go downstairs and attempted to sit in my recliner but it is not working. I'm only comfy on my bed today (as yesterday). I'm also hoping the buscapan will ease this gall pain but it is inflammation and not a spasm and I don't see how it can? Wish it would fix the burning legs (yeah right!) The problem is that rain is visiting today and causing pain to penetrate into parts of my body I'd rather it did not.
Normality still moves on and life revolves around me. My son is taking his SATs all week. Those pathetic tests all state schools have to take. Not for much longer.....He'll be out of the state system soon and then of course my fears will start as to whether I am making the right choices again. At least they are choices made with my husband and not on my own? Being a parent is not easy is it? Would not trade it in though.
My son has his worst test today - Reading. he did not do as well in his mock and has been worrying about it ever since........Good news though, my son has arrived home with a smile on his face and no concerns about today's test. Except to say "I did my best mum so can I have my money now?" Darn cheek! lol
Oh must add about the gall bladder ultrasound for those following this exciting tale. Will not have the results for TWO WEEKS! Yes the wheels of the national health service move ever more slowly and that's with the news today of more money being injected (ha) into the system. Needs the money but I don't know where it's going? I know what the results will say anyway except it means I have to wait to see a consultant and then have the surgery so more waiting. We all know that most people will pay to see the consultant and save time and money and I probably will too.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Hurting
So why am I here?
To announce good news. My router is working again???? It is still problematic and I am having issues getting onto pages and it is driving me crazy.
I shall come back later........Not a good one.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Madeleine McCann - Find her
Residents of Rothley Leicestershire, the home town of the McCann, have been tying yellow ribbons and adding teddy bears and birthday cards to the rails at the local church and there is little room left for any more. This beautiful little girl with an impish grin NEEDS to be home with her distraught parents. There is a reward of £2.5 Million pounds for her safe return. Take another look at a picture of her. She is only four year's old and needs to be with her parents Gerry and Kate shown here on their way to a church service on her birthday.
Madeleine's parents are showing amazing strength of character and I so not know how on earth I would be able to hold myself together in their shoes.
Take one last look in Madeleine's eye. The photo clearly shows her distinctive right eye, where the pupil runs into the blue-green iris.
If you would like a down loadable 'Missing Madeleine' poster to take with you on your travels or put up where you live then please either add your email address on a comment here or email me at: wigblog-maddy@yahoo.co.uk
Another Posh School Place!
There is of course a rub.
The down side of this other school is the cost factor. It will be massively more expensive for us an over the next two year means an extra cost of £7,600 ($15,066 to my American friends). There are pros and cons of both schools of course (always are).
The pros of the academic school are the cheaper cost, the fantastic rugby team (my son's favourite sport), the walking distance from our house, the stronger likelihood that our son may gain some sort of academic award to help with senior award and the children here mostly go on to the two schools where we are considering. The cons of this school are the high academic standards and is it too pushy? Is it a hothouse? My neighbour's daughter goes there and is very happy but I know she has high standards and expectations. The other cons are that is a work hard, play hard kind of place. My son is not sure if he really wants this school but his taster day will decide his fate there.
The pros and cons of the other school are of course the price of the termly fees. I suspect that the more wealthy parents would send their sons (it was a boys school until 3 years ago and my son's class will be predominately boys if not all boys) and daughters to this school. We are not in this league and will our son feel comfortable with these sorts of children? The sports side of it is not as good and the teams not as strong. This school is further away but still managable if our son wants to ride his bike or if we still want to take the car on those rainy days. I will still have to rely on my pain levels again won't I? The other con is this school is a prep feeder school to a particular Public school; (Public school to my American friends is not public as in everyone goes there but as in very elite Private School) We have looked on the net at this Public school and my son has decided it looks like HOGWARTS! He does not want to go there and so most of his counterparts would be going onto different schools to him, unless he changes his mind of course. The funny thing is that my cousin's children have all boarded at that 'Hogwartsesque' school. We certainly would not expect our son to board. It's close enough to get there daily but I cannot believe I am thinking about my son considering THREE PUBLIC SCHOOLS which is what we are talking about now? I have to thank my parents and the bank manager who will be paying for are kids education.
So now the pros. It offers a more all round education with children with a more broad academic mix. This school only has 50% of it's pupils gaining scholarships over the other school's 75% and we are not looking at that. .......But actually my son is capable if gaining some sort of assistance for his rugby talents and has more of a chance at school number one. (Oh that's a con then?) This school though takes the top two years to the senior school once a week to use the design tech facilities and they get to enjoy what that has in store. They also put on a major drama production once a year over the other school's once every other year. My son's eyes shone when he read he could be an 'electrician' on set with this school as he fancies copying his dad! This second school has better facilities all around on site whereas the other school has to bus the kids off site. It's not major issues but simple ones. The second school though offers an all round education or seems, It is a lot to pay for a 'nicer' education though!!! We are going to view this school this week and then we have the choice of both should my son gain his place at the more academic school. That first school is also going to use certain facilities of it's big 'brother school although some of it's pupils choose to go to less scholastic establishments. .......Glad I have this blog so that I can ramble on about my inner thoughts. I now so many people have many more serious issues to contemplate and this is tivial to you. My kids and their education is vital to me. I would love to give them something I never had and so would my husband, and we are prepared to do whatever it takes and are now reaching those financial complications of our decisions.
Tightening our belt is the next step.
Friday, May 11, 2007
Blair Out, Brown In, Maddy Still Missing......
Madeleine McGann is four years old today. She has been missing for eight days and the police, who were concentrating their search locally, have now decided she is nowhere to be seen and has been abducted to order or my gravely, taken by a ring of paedophiles.
Sunday was Mother's day in Portugal and Kate McGann, Madeleine's mother, spoke those heart braking words which I do not think any mother would want to even imagine saying. "Please, please do not hurt her. Please do not scare her. Please let us know where to find Madeleine or put her in a place of safety and tell somebody where."Madeleine is a beautiful, bright, funny and caring little girl. She is so special." Still there is no fresh news even though there have been thousands of phone calls to the police.
I don't really give a fig about Blair/Brown right now. Can't stand Gordan Brown if the truth is told. He's a god money man but I don't want him running the country. Can't imagine anyone else doing it either though, especially not 'I'll do whatever it takes to get publicity Tory Cameron'.
Let us all, everyone wherever you are in the country, world etc. Take a moment to send out love,positive energy, whatever faith you are, send prayers, to the McGann family and maybe this just might do something? There is nothing else anyone can do unless of course you happen to be reading this and know something which would help bring Maddy home. I remember little Ben Nedham, who will now be 17. He was about two years old when he was taken while playing outside. He has never been returned to his family and the hope was that he was taken to order. The 'rumours' are that the McGann family were stalked by the abductors during their holiday and they found their perfect opportunity. If that is the case, the parents should not carry any guilt......But they always will. It is only natural.
I look at my own life and the privileges that I am able to bestow on my children. They have a nice comfortable life and we always try and have a holiday away each year. My son has just also been offered a free weekend away with young carers too! He deserves it and I can't wait to tell him.......If only little Maddy can be found NOW and she too can enjoy those fun filled days her parents want to bestow upon her.
Spare a moment now............................
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Posh School TWO Toooooo
So next it's my son's taster day and assessment rolled into one. He's going to go on a Tuesday or Thursday as those are 'Cricket' days My son has not played proper cricket before and will enjoy this surjourn for one day and we will chat with the Headmaster when we collect our lad and make sure the school is "right for him". It sounds right for him...... But it sounds extremely academic - EXTREMELY ACADEMIC!
Time for a change anyway as our son will be going to senior school within the state system but a private prep school like this will give him chances, oportunities to mix with a different sort of people. I'm not saying any better of worse, just different. If he goes here, he has a great chance of getting into a Public school......I cannot imagine me considering me having two kids both going to Public schools? I've seen what these sorts of schools can offer and they are very nice indeed. They have so much more than state schools and money talks doesn't it? Sorry to all of those who do not have the option. I don't have the option really.....We intend to remortgage the house. Our kids mean everything.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
My mate Nina
This is a new blog by a friend of mine and that reminds me DAISY, I need your blog address again as I have lost it! I know brain like a sieve........What was I saying (lol).
Humpday.
No major plans.
Cleaning lady due today but phoned up at 9.05am and said she was sick. She's due Friday instead now. What excitement!
Had lovely mackrel and cherry tomato on french bread for lunch. Tasted yum.
Hubby at home cleaning the toilets as I speak. Oh joy!
Little Maddy still missing.....................
Terribly sad.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
I Have My Ultrasound Scan Date!
Last time the letter resulted in another letter with an "Eleven week" waiting list. Have a date this morning of NEXT TUESDAY!
I must admit I started to feel sick yesterday again and had stomach ache but that may have been a tummy problem anyway and I could be putting all stomach pain down to my gallbladder? I'm going to have a scan of my gallbladder, liver, pancreas, kidneys and spleen. In total my GP's 'urgent' scan will have taken a good three months with our trusted (ha bloody ha) NHS.
Today though I am in hypochondria overdrive with this lump on cheek bone. It did not hurt yesterday but last night gave me a headache/eye pain. If I prod it today, it will produce pain as an after effect - So I shall not prod it! I can so a small dot which may indicate a bite? Nothing raised? It (I think) has come about since I started using the corticosteroid nasal spray so today I decided not to use it. I have this silly fear that it is skin cancer and a steroid will make it worsen......Told you I was a hypochondriac didn't I?
Still got this terrible cough but eating OK. I am so tired all the time and my body is not right and I want someone to find out what is wrong with me.
I am scared to find out about next week and my husband is working days and under normal circumstances I would get a cab and all would be fine but what if something is found on the scan? What if it is not my gallbladder? What if my GP heard something when he listened to my chest on Friday and this is why my scan has arrived within a week? Now I am being ridiculous! Nothing was heard, NOTHING. Just a bit fed up with never feeling 100% but maybe that is because I am on medication and crave to be off these meds?
One day......
Anyone who has faith and who is willing, please pray that the scan will only indicate a gallbladder problem next week. I can handle that. Don't know why I am so worried about it. Actually I do. There was a woman who I occasionally posted too at a forum and that dear lady was called called Marcia. One day she posted talking about how ill she felt. She was losing weight and coughing up blood (Of course I am not oh thankfully!) The next news was a shadow on her liver and then nothing. Three weeks later a friend of hers, who was also a member of the forum, posted to say she had cancer of the liver which had spread everywhere it could. She had died within three weeks of diagnosis. She had hardly any money and chose not to see a doctor earlier because she could not afford it. She was such a lovely lady who always wrote a with what I can imagine a smile on her face. I imagine she is smiling now and has no pain. Some other people at that forum undermined it by being deceptive and then others chose to have multiple names but when you meet just one lady like Marcia who was genuine and kind and thoughtful you know there are good people out there too.
I met others like Marcia on that forum, Daisy is one such lady, Shysmom, Pud, Natty, Jynx, Angel 17, Tyke, Ah my Aussie friends too and many more too. I wish I could face forums again but life in a forum would be living a lie because I could not be me and if I cannot be me then I shall not be part of that sort of life......Shame because I like it.
My last words go out to the parents of little Maddy who is still missing in Portugal. Five days on and still no news and I cannot possibly imagine how they must feel and do not want to if I am honest. No parent can imagine this happening as it does not make sense? I still hope and pray that Madeleine McGann is brought home safe and well but the longer it goes on the more the fear in my heart grows. Again anyone reading this, please PLEASE pray, send positive thoughts, do whatever you need to do for those parents. Whether they were 50 yards away having a meal or 100 yards, they still checked on those kids regularly and the doors and shutters were locked and the hotel site was also a place where children were supposed to be safe........"If Only" will haunt their hearts so what is the point in saying anything about it?
Bring Maddy back safely is all that needs to be said to the person/s keeping her
Monday, May 07, 2007
Lumps
I can't quite explain it but my right cheek has lumps under the skin and I have not told anyone apart from this blog. There is no visable evidence to see but I can feel them. No......There is a teeny tiny itsy red dot which maybe means I have been bitten? It is not raised......Doesn't hurt apart from the fact that I keep rubbing my face to see if it feels the same both sides.
I would be turning into a hypochondriac if it wasn't for the fact that genuinely things keep going wrong.
Sometimes I get really scared that I won't be here to enjoy my family growing up.
Those are my meloncholy days or should I say moments as they thankfully don't last for too long. They appear for a few hours and then I pick myself up or should I say think about something else but that inkling of doubt never goes. That fear of the unknown is always there......I'm scared.
I would love to always be here or at least to see my grandchildren grow up. I don't know why things - silly things keep going wrong with me? I wish I could have answers? I wish I knew why I haven't had a monthly for 14 months...I have no answers and I could do with just that one. I thought that when I started taking the Thyroxine then maybe my body would start changing? Those pesky monthlies would return (which actually I hate anyway), and this terrible tiredness would disappear. Instead I am still where I was. Except now I am awaiting tests for my gallbladder too becuase that is playing up as well!
Just dozed off.......
Need rest.
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Madeleine McCann Aged 3 Missing
9pm Madeleine was fast asleep.
1opm The door was ajar, the shutter had been forced and Madeleine was nowhere to be seen.
Whether the parents should have left the children on their own is an arguement in itself but there are two people who are destraught desperate to know where there little girl is.
The police on Thursday night organised a search of sorts. TWO police officers looked for Maddy, TWO yes TWO! No sniffer dogs, no helicopter even though there was evidence of an aduction. It was not until mid Friday that the Portuguese authorities got their acts together and started to search for her properly. They have now said they have a person they think may have taken her.......A worry for the parents but a lead because the police think this person is still in the area.
I am praying that this little girl is one of the lucky ones who is returned safely to her parents and any person reading this PLEASE do the same. My son received an odd message on his mobile last night and it goes to show that their are so many odd pervs out there and we have to be careful........Lets hope that little Maddy who will be Four on Friday will be home to enjoy that birthday.
Amazing Changes
Two weeks have past since darling daughter started at this establishment and WOW we have a young woman who still turns into a creature from hell every morning still but that will never change. Our daughter started her first day with her uniform correctly worn and she looked so smart......She came home and oh my! Her skirt had been hitched up a good few inches which is "How all the other girls wear them". She has her whole school photo on Tuesday and HAS to wear her blazer which I can't wait for as she looks so nice in it and it cost me a bloody fortune!!!
Friday, May 04, 2007
Galling Nausea
WHAT A NIGHTMARE! But a welcome to our bunnies
It never rains but it pours as they say.