Lumps

I have a lump or should I say it's 'lumpy'.

I can't quite explain it but my right cheek has lumps under the skin and I have not told anyone apart from this blog. There is no visable evidence to see but I can feel them. No......There is a teeny tiny itsy red dot which maybe means I have been bitten? It is not raised......Doesn't hurt apart from the fact that I keep rubbing my face to see if it feels the same both sides.

I would be turning into a hypochondriac if it wasn't for the fact that genuinely things keep going wrong.

Sometimes I get really scared that I won't be here to enjoy my family growing up.
Those are my meloncholy days or should I say moments as they thankfully don't last for too long. They appear for a few hours and then I pick myself up or should I say think about something else but that inkling of doubt never goes. That fear of the unknown is always there......I'm scared.

I would love to always be here or at least to see my grandchildren grow up. I don't know why things - silly things keep going wrong with me? I wish I could have answers? I wish I knew why I haven't had a monthly for 14 months...I have no answers and I could do with just that one. I thought that when I started taking the Thyroxine then maybe my body would start changing? Those pesky monthlies would return (which actually I hate anyway), and this terrible tiredness would disappear. Instead I am still where I was. Except now I am awaiting tests for my gallbladder too becuase that is playing up as well!

Just dozed off.......

Need rest.