I've had to make the decision today to say I cannot commit to the interviewing I wanted to do tomorrow.
I feel terrible.
I was asked last week by someone who I felt used to be a friend by I no longer feel that way. I felt pushed into a corner and said yes even though I knew I would struggle. Unfortunately unless you know what it is like to live each day with constant pain, you really do not understand how your life revolves around it, how your emotions are ruled by it and how dead you feel inside.
I wish with all my heart that I could do the things I used to do but for now they are a distant dream away. I wish those old friends would be there for me but they have walked away. Nice for them. When I've needed them they are not there. Thankfully I have friends around who do understand pain because they live with it and it makes me wonder if I am only allowed friends like this? Isn't life sad if this is the case! I would like a whole managerie!!!!
I think it is time to hand in my notice at the governing body. Time to move on but what next?
Just because right now I'm on go slow does not mean I always will be. This distresses me and angers me.
I can't INTERVIEW! I can do other things but maybe my heart is not in it anymore? I need to do some thinking about this because I don't know if my heart feels this way because of circumstances or because others are pushing me in too many directions I am unable to take?
About Me
- Wiglet
- Wo said life was easy? I have a hulking great pain monster jumping up and down on my back every morning. Once zapped with strong vodka he's a pussycat. In brief, read on further for info, I have a spinal condition which leaves me in severe pain. I am a wife, mother and school governor too. I love my life, detest the pain monster! Medical bit. Check on links for further info. I have Spina Bifida Occulta. It is genetic and I was born with it. I also have Tethered Cord Syndrome, again genetic, again I was born with it. I have had 2 spinal surgeries and now have a mass of nerve damage causing a mass of nerve pain. I possibly have CRPS but no definite diagnosis. Was diagnosed with hypothyroidism late 2006 and IBS in 2007. Also have damage to my bladder and bowel because of the abnormal spinal cord and nerves. The last diagnosis is 'Chronic Pain Syndrome'. That one covers a multitude of sins. The winter months have been hard and I wonder if I am deteriorating again? Kinda scary so my blog becomes my best friend. I take a lot of medication and so have become a hobbling encyclopaedia of knowledge on the subject.
1 comment:
I know about pain and somedays are worse than others. I have a support group and can talk to others when I am having a bad day. Thanks for sharing and helping me by writing your story.
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