Sponge Bob Square Pants - Part Deux

G'day to all near and far,

Hopefully today will meet up to your expectations? Mine are quite high which is a worry. I have acupuncture - not on my normal day but my acupuncturist was having a week off to wizz off camping in her battered old VW and so I had to swap around. The other big news is BUNNIES! Yes we are off to buytwo little darlings today for my two little darlings. We have two empty hutches and are prepared for are purchases and all we need now is the living breathing objects.

Will let you know the wonderful names later!

Idle Talk Fell - Doesn't That Say It All?

My ramble made me feel much better and I'd forgotten why I set up this blog and THIS is the exact reason. I needed a place to let of steam and somewhere where I could speak honestly about how life's ups and downs affected me and those around me (Or how I see it?)

I made a lovely 'summer vegetable soup' with a touch of chilli to give it a kick at the end. My son is back home after a couple of hours at the beach, (daughter still hanging out with friends) and after eating said soup we both hand a chronic case of wind and were grateful for two toilets. (Sorry for that graphic but I love it!) I ordered some new summer clothes on Thursday ready for when I go away in July and they arrived this afternoon. Trying on beautiful tops and skirts and realising I will need more new tops to go with the skirts and tops I have brought too made me feel nice as LOVE spending the old man's money. Seeing as he's lost money today betting on old nags which don't stand a chance in the Grand National. AT least I picked one that might have one and only bet £2! Last of the big spenders me....

So now after cooking and trying on clothes and Oh and admit I had a little tidy up too as the house is running away with the tat and rubbish the kids dump around the various rooms and that includes their own - I would not mind too much if only they would keep their things in their own rooms? Was it with kids? I could not get myself comfortable on my recliner and so I'm back up here in my sanctury hoping the pain in my legs will eventually calm down as the back pain is already starting too.

Daughter has arrived home at last......All is returning back to normal in my home.

Who Am I?

Lying on my bed and recovering from a middle of the day shower......I contemplate my life and wonder who I am and what the rest of my life has in store for me?

I have to plan my life like a military operation and that gets me down at times and especially when I had a flaming row with my daughter yesterday. "Go and DIE" she shouted at me! Sometimes I feel like doing just that and I told her so but not before I put on my shoes and headed for the door. I told her I hoped she was happy and I was off to jump off a bridge as life wasn't worth anything if I was constantly to be treated like sh*t by a spoilt 13 year old.
"Come back" she screamed "Why?" "Because you're the only mum I've got"........Oh thanks......Thinking about her own needs again. I'll be honest she said what she did because I - Yes I swore at her. My daughter has this habit of playing my love for her against my love for her brother and she threw the "You love my brother more than me". I'll be honest I told her to "F off"....."F off you spoilt horrible little girl."........And then the row blew out of all proportion and that was when she felt she had no choice in words and being a rather immature 13 nearly 14 year old she got it wrong.

I love my kids equally but differently, I'm sure many parents understand that dilemma and understand what it is like to live with an ever changing hormonal teenager. She hates everything and everything annoys her; she is never happy at home and that is much like any other teen too but I find this hard to watch as I only remember my own unhappiness while I was a teenager and know mine was because of an alcoholic domineering mother. I know I try too hard at times and I have to step back and alloy my daughter to grow or she will be suffocated by me and finding that balance is terribly difficult.

So yesterday I went into my child when I swore at my child. I have to be honest and say that it was that or slapping her and I was never going to resort to the latter and so swearing seemed to be the better choice to get out my anger and frustration. I had to tell my daughter that she is constantly thinking about herself and not giving a damn about any other members of the family. After talking with my husband the other day we felt a good method was to tell her that she is a vital quarter of our family and she is pulling our familly apart with her constantly poor behaviour. She blames everyone else and will never accept it is her fault. She will blame friends for "Being nasty and falling out with her" but again never accepting responsibility for her own behaviour. I can see my daughter has this inner unhappiness and I'm not saying that she can switch it off, I know that she needs some help to address that and won't be able to do that overnight. I would love to help her if only she would allow me too but I am the wrong person now; she has reached that age when she is beginning to stop talking about some of lifes troubles with me. I hate these teenage years.

After that huge row we talked and talked and listened and listened and then talked some more. We made supper together and ate it together which was nice. Today my daughter was back in 'bolshy' mode and for instance I said to her "Would you like some money for the beach?" which was greated with a huffy "yeah obviously I do". ........Oooooh Yes I wanted to ram it down her throat but the fact is I can say to her tomorrow that I gave her her pocket money a day early and have the last laugh if I really want too. But I doubt I will......

Anything for a quiet life!

I lie on my bed and wonder if this is all I am here for? 'Go and die' is something that has crossed my mind in those darker moments and I actually told my daughter this yesterday but also told her that she and her brother are what keep me here. Eleven years ago when I was in the darkest pit of depression my daughter kept me going then because I hardly knew the new baby that was to grew into that wonderful character of my son. I cannot remember much at all of his first year if I am honest, it is a complete blur. I do not feel like this now however I know I don't like my life right now. Being a school governor is something that has lost its magic and I am not sure if I still want to continue it - But that said I don't know if I am feeling this way because I don't feel right about me.

Hubby just phoned.....Broke the monotony of the day. "Want a bet on the national?" "OK then"....Who to pick?......I've picked Idle Talk as this is all this is today....idle talk about how I feel but I still do not know who I am?

Nearly Tomorrow

Before I go to sleep I thought I'd better sign in as I know a few of my friends keep up with me here and I get emails asking if I'm OK if I don't say hello.

The 'cough/cold/cattargh/viral/revoltingness' is still here and not letting up but my voice is appearing on ocassion now and again. Good to hear hey? Not for my daughter as she got the rough end of my anger today......If she wants to be treated like an adult she needs to act like one - ARRGGHH! I SOUND LIKE MY MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Free Alan Johnson

Alan Johnson, the BBC'a Gaza Strip Journalist for the past three years, has now been held captive for one month by unkown kidnappers.

His plight was mostly ignored while the British Service people were captive in Iran and we know that they were there to do a 'Spy job' on Iran and so in that respect Iran had every right to hold on to them? Alan Johnson however was a friend of the Palastinian people and reaching the end of his placement in the Gaza Strip when he was taken from his hire car on the 12 March 2007.

He has now been held longer than any other kidnapped journalist.

There will be a press conference/multi news programme held around the world at 2.30pm (UK time) today. The BBC/Sky/Al Jezeera and other news channels will be working in conjunction to highlight his plight and there has been some news today to indicate that Alan is at least safe.

Sadly this part of the world is continuously vulnerable and kidnappings are part of the norm; a journalist is a good bargaining tool but when I have tried to work out what for none of it makes any real sense? So many people have different reasons and lots of people have their own blogs now with their own anlalysis - Bit like me hey! What does it matter.....

FREE ALAN JOHNSON

He say 9 out of 10?

Strangely the Orthodontist has said that my daughter's teeth are fine and there's nothing to be done about the bite "But it's a bit to the left".

So no bloody answers and nothing to help her?

Yes I am angry because I wonder if we were in America now if we would be getting the same asnwers and if that would be the right approach anyway? We Brits are not exactly famous for our smiles I admit and my daughter has lovely teeth it is just the earache issues and bitting her mouth constantly? Hmmm.....What next?

X-Rays have been taken and when the Orthodontist spoke to my husband he also showed my husband some pictures of teeth he had helped and said "Your daughter already gets a 9 out of 10" The only blemish is where she cracked her front tooth when deciding to climb up a water slide in Turkey! (Plus a bit on the creamy side too) But we were not worried about that and wasn't worried at all until our Dentist picked up on the same thing the GP had.....Wish he hadn't bothered.

Like An Old Woman!

That is how I feel - Like An old WOMAN!

My voice is recovering a little but is still a frog-esque and getting up to make a cuppa led to the aches and pains of nackeredness hitting me like a barrage of one hundred thousand bricks.

The sky is as blue as......... a blue sky (Oh I can't think right now) behind my weirdly coloured curtains but I cannot pull them back as hubby broke the soddin curtain pull and now they permenantly closed until he buys a new rail. I'm not holding my breathe.......I've waited six months already!

My daughter is about to head to the orthodontist as a cancellation phone call came through yesterday. It is her first time with this chappy and we are hoping the NHS will come through and pay for any brace when it is needed (and it will be needed) because her top and bottom jaw do not meet. Personally I think it's because she talks too much and she's worn away her mouth? lol

It is my nephew's 16th birthday tomorrow and my husband has sent him his card in readiness but has just informed me that he has forgotten to put any money in it.....GREAT!
Hubby is going to have to buy a second card and it better be a more suitable card than the one he brought earlier too.....Why on earth get a 16 year old a card which a six year old would love?
Men - don't you just love them?

Still awaiting that scan for my gall bladder? So much for quick and urgent? It is not playing up right now so let's keep everything crossed it stays that way.

Splutter Cough Croak Whisper

Where's my voice?

Good news for the kids; my voice is now distant memory.

Head hurts so just 'printing' hello rather than saying it and then closing my eyes and going to dose off again if that stupid cough will let me.

Don't you just love it when good weather brings with it poor health!

Never rub your eye after cutting a chilli pepper

My stinging eye is just an added ailment to the ever growing list of bloody anoying nuisances which are bugging me today.

Short one today as I feel c**p. Glad my acupuncturist did some cupping on Thursday as I would be feeling 100 times worse right now. I have included a link here on cupping but my acupuncturist does not leave silly red marks on my back;-http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3879447.stm

(Quick break there as I had a very late lunch at 4pm)

I managed to eat and that's a good sign but all I want to do now is crash out and sleep.....Maybe I will?

The sun is out and we are having a beautiful Easter - Has someone forgot to tell the UK it's a Bank Holiday because we do not have weather like this normally?

Easter Sunday

Chocolate heaven this morning in our house and the true meaning of the day completely forgotten. We have no real faith in our house but I have 'a sort of' belief. I believe in the afterlife and hope to see my parents again when I leave this earth but I don't want to think about that today as today I feel good - No feeilings of sadness today, no feelings of anger, no feelings of pain! I will not allow it. Actually there are some feelings of pain and those I cannot avoid but you know it's one thing that is the norm and at least I can keep it low.

One thing I am going to 'get off my chest' and wish I could litterally is this bloody cough. I swear I must have hayfever as last year the same cough plagued me from about this time of year and I put it down to a virus I picked up in hospital? Maybe it wasn't a virus. Yet another trip to the GP will follow to work out what this cough is and also what on earth is happening to this 'urgent' scan on my gallbladder??? This is beyond a joke! I was told over four weeks ago (or is it five?) that I would be having a scan on that damn thing and it's beginning to flare again. I had a feeling it would because I've cut down my anti inflammatory by half as I could not stay awake on the dose I was on. Don't want that to give me hell on top of everything else.

Post 100 EASTER'S GREETINGS!

My 100th post today and it's the Saturday in between when everyone is rushing around buying those last minute chocolate bits. Fortunately I made a deal with my kids that I would give them money for while we were away last week plus an egg which will be conveniently hidden tomorrow. I know hubby has brought me a nice Thorntons milk chocolate egg and I'm likely to finish off it's lovely velvetness pronto....(sorry drifted off into choco heaven for a moment there!) Getting my lad to buy the hubby a bar of dark chocolate as he's not into it as the rest of the family - or that's what he says? Don't they all say that?

I had a disturbed night's sleep and that does not help. The night before was not a good one with my lad's friend also sleeping over and the two of them giggling away like girls (shhh don't let them hear that) till gone 12.30 when I wanted to sleep! A friend told me about her 14 year old - Who's 15 today, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY to him; last Sunday night he slept out in a tent unbeknownst to her until Monday night. He's learnt his lesson because all he had for heat was one of those supermarket BBQs. Of course there were two other boys and they could have huddled together but we all know now that they will not do that for fear of the the 'gay' word but if you're cold you're cold!

Talking of cold, my eleven year old son, SWAM in the chilly smelly English ocean yesterday! The air temperature was 14c and I have no idea how cold that water was but I think he and his buddy were both crazy. I have no idea where he gets his madness from? Did I hear you say his mother? Who me?


HAPPY EASTER

Zzzzzzzzzzzz

So tired.

It's the extra celebrex in my system that is causing me this problem. I don't know whether I'm coming or going half of the time and the other half I'm asleep. Arrrggghhh!!!

Also I have the 'STROPPY DAUGHTER FROM HELL' She's being completely unreasonable in every way and wants her own way ALL OF THE TIME. Well I'm sorry missy, You've messed with the wrong mother here. I won't allow you to win but have to have a nap first....zzzzzzzz...zzzzzzzzzz.

Billy Elliott

Fabulous show!

Took our two kidlets on Monday evening who joined the packed out audience who were all enthralled by a brilliant show. Of course we gave a standing ovation to the young lad who played Billy Elliott and I must say his young collegue who played Michael too! What a future little star he is going to be too. In fact all the children who performed were stars and the adults were pretty good too.

I haven't stayed in London for few years and we have never stayed overnight with the children and the hotel wasn't too bad. It was one I found on the net and I got a good deal on the room. We enjoyed some family time and yes of course my teenage loved one played up and drove us mad but she wouldn't be loved as much as she is if she didn't play up......I wish she'd behave though as it is driving me crazy right now. Anyone reading this who has a loved one who is driving them up the walls with their poor behaviour but yet adores them at the same time knows how hard life is with them.......Yet knows how much they love them!

Home now and bac to norm....."SO shut up that noise for gods sake" and Oh hell my back aches!

Last Day

My daughter has gone off for her last day at school her current school. Three weeks of holidays ahead and then she'll be ready for 'Posh School!'

Been a quiet few days as I've been sleeping through most of it and don't have a clue why? Yesterday I could hardly keep myself awake and I'm sure I spent more time asleep than awake?

Took my lad to the Paediatric endocrinologist specialist on Wednesday and he's reassured him that he's not short for his age, just needs to catch up with his friends. It was good to hear an alternative person saying exactly what his dad and I had been saying but at least he feels happier now.

It has take four hours on and off for me to type this - Tiredness!

Must take a nap.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Don't know where she gets her talent from?

But it's not me!

Went to watch my daughter play clarinet in her youth wind band this evening. The local city concert band and the 'youth' city concert band played too. My daughter's bunch were all aged between around 12 and 17 and grades 3 to 5 so maybe were not talking about musicians of the year quite yet, however we saw some talented youngsters performing tonight.

All I need now is my daughter to believe in her own talent.

What was funny was meeting up with a mother I used to chat with when our girls did gymnastics many moons ago. Now they are both playing clarinet together and the other mother really wants her darling to be in the youth orchestra with my little darling "But she WON'T do it!" And she then went on to tell us about her younger little darling who's badminton teacher tells her "He has NO motivation" .....After telling us how many after school activities the kids did we wondered if all the younger brother wanted to do was play down the park.

I know I'm worried about my daughter but I don't think forcing her to do activities she did want to do would be the answer either......So who is ever the perfect parent and do we ever get it right?

oooooooooH Helllllllllll

Feeling like I've been hit by a truck today but then a darling friend who I can always rely on to make me feel better has sent me a text which has cheered me up.

So I shall share this with you all, you lucky lot:-

After no dates or sex for five years a woman goes to see a Chinese Sex Therapist Dr Chang. He said to her; "Take off all your croase, get down and craw reery, reery fas to other side room"
So the lady does this. "OK, craw, reery, reery fas bac". As she did Dr Chang shook his head.
"You problem vewy vewy bad. Wose case of Ed Zachery disease I ever see. Dat why you get no date"
What is Ed Zachery Disease?" says the confused and worried woman.
"It is when your face look Ed Zachery like your arse"


I have a big piece of blurb on my website about laughter releasing endorphines and if that's the case it should still be working but the monster is stronger. I've has some very good days but alas now I'm under it's thumb again. The weather has turned again and it could be the sudden cold? I have no idea what it is however I wish it would stop. I wanted to complete the letters to my daughter's current school today. There is one which is going to be sent to the Headteacher and one to go to the Head of Year. The one to the Hedteacher will tell it how it is and be honest and tell him what I think of certain aspects of the school and how it needs to improve. The letter to the Head of Year will also be honest but no need for improvement because the Head of Year has been more than helpful as well as being an excellent teacher.

Feeling very grotty so signing off for tonight. Hate the weather - Yes it is it's fault. It has turned cold again and this always happens.

I owe and email or six

I shall be emailing today

It looks as though madam has her Assisted Place! We need to have confirmation but she LOVED her day yesterday and when she came home and I asked "How was it?" And "Made any new friends?" I was greeted with; "It was fine" (Which in teenage speak means fabulous as she couldn't stop talking about everything for the rest of the evening) and "I was given a shadow for the day called Evie and she introduced me to Emma and I already know Neave and Jo" (names changed to protect the innocents) from the city orchestra and......etc etc). She had design technology with a teacher we met on our visit who our daughter thought highly of and an RS lesson which was totally different to the ones she has at her current school. PE was her favourite and she was put with the upper PE group as they split them dependent on their swimming ability. They swim all year around as they have their own pool and a club on Monday after school. My daughter has already decided she's joining. There's another reason why my daughter likes this school. My daughter said at her current school, friendships are formed on what you have and what you look like; at her new school it's a case of being yourself and I have a strong suspecion my daughter was COMPLETELY herself yesterday.

We went out in the evening to say well done on the assessments. I hope all has gone well! If not then I do not know what we will do? We've been told that everything is fine but until that letter comes through you cannot guarantee anything. We have also warned our daughter that she has to work at this school and it's a no going back atitude. If she does not work at this school we will take her out as we are not wasting our money and she will have to to to whatever school will take her. I know that sounds cruel but she needs to see how important school is now.
A friend's son was excluded for a day yesterday and although our daughter does not behave badly, nor did my friend's son normally! State schools are too large and if you have the money then sometimes a private education is the only choice for some children.

Wide Awake

5.53am.

Been awake now for some time, my body aches and I have a stupid cough. Looks like I'm coming down with a cold. At least yesterday was a good day!

Today is my daughter's taster day at Posh School. She's also taking her entrance test and we will find out if we are entitled to an Assisted Place or not? The Government used to run the assisted places scheme and it was put in place so that families who could not afford private education could access it. If you earned less than a certain amount of money, you could apply for a place. The Labour Government got rid of the scheme and supposedly put the money back into state education but I am yet to find where they put it? Some schools have kept the scheme to ensure children from less privileged backgrounds can come to their school and we have found out that 50% of the girls at our daughter's proposed new school are on scholarships or APs. If you earn £36k or less per year, the school deducts nearly half of the fees! Earn more than that and it is a sliding scale of reduction. Now all we need is our daughter to pass the assessments........I feel nervous about it because now we've asked for an assisted place it's almost like the can turn us down if our daughter does not perform to their best - very best standard. I have been told the tests are to see where they can place her next term? I hope so. Our daughter needs this school and desperately wants to go there!

What's going on?

I woke up this morning feeling fantastic. The acupuncture had worked its wonders, my daughter had loved her a visit to her new school and all was right with the world (In our little part of the world anyway). Then as the afternoon wore on I started to feel odd. Odd is the best word for it and I put it down to tiredness but I don't know now.

You see I've cooked myself and the kidlets some nosh (not Masterchef standard) and the kiddiwinkles woofed it down but I could hardly eat a thing. I managed a little niddle around the edges and now feel nauseaus.

I give up. I can only presume that it is that gallbladder problem again and if this does not settle down I may have to go back to my GP and ask what on earth has happened to that urgent scan he ordered over a week ago? So much for urgent. Can't be that worried then. Need to get this sorted though it's not good.

PS Now 11pm and still not good. Oh dear......This is not good. Do not feel icky any more......See how it goes...

Not Such A Posh School After All?

We went along for our visit to Posh School today and were taken around by the school's Registrar who's girls all passed through the school. She advised us that one was academic and one a dolly day dreamer and both fitted in just nicely. To be honest, as we walked around the school, we felt more and more comfortable. We had a code word in case things were not good but did not need it and by the time we got to the art block we were sold.

Our daughter is now going to spend the day at the school on Monday and see how she feels about it? She's decided to get her entrance test out of the way on the same day but we've been told that she's got a pleace anyway and not to worry. The test is more about where to place her when she's in the school after Easter - Yes she'll be starting after EASTER and we're not waiting till September for more damage to be done. We've also found out that we can get an Assisted Place and this will reduce the cost down enormously. Thank goodness.

We spoke to the Bursar and he told us that this was the most unsnobby private school that he knew and it was great for "The likes of US" meaning us and him because at least we all could access private education where as some schools were out of our reach. To be honest we would pay no matter what but we wanted a discount and we were going to get it. The Assisted place will reduce the cost by nearly a half and that will be such a great help for the next two years (and a term). We now have to find another £350 for the uniform and then it's the extra £167 for the school minibus. We don't mind paying for that as it means we don't have to worry about getting our daughter to school. What was really odd was our daughter didn't flinch when she heard how long the school day was? They start at 8.30am, lessons with a break at about ten-ish and then lunch at one all included in the price. The food sounds scrummy and lots of selection for the girls. There's a couple of lunch time clubs including a jazz club which the headmistress had my daughter earmarked for with her clarinet playing. Then at 2pm it's more classes but for instance one afternoon a week girls have a whole afternoon of sport. On Thursdays it's year 11's turn. My daughter is going to be doing this on Monday - Sport afternoon and hopefully it's trampolining or if it's hockey she'll probably cry. 4pm is the end of school day officially but most girls do not go home then and apparently there was a furore with parents of the girls who came home by minibus at 4pm because they were missng out on everything. So now the minibus goes home later and the minibus girls have tea at 4pm with the boarders - Just a light snack! Other girls can do this too if they are staying for a club. After their snack, they have clubs whch are varied and many. If she's not doing a club then they have 'Prep' rooms which I've now learnt is homework! I guess I shall have to learn these new terms. My daughter will not get home until 6pm and it will be a long day for her to get used too. She's had to change one of her GCSE options but she's been told to try the subjects out and see how she feels because she can always change again if she's not happy.

I never thought I'd be sending my child into the private world of education but she's excited about it and looking forward to it and she never felt like that about her old school? Maybe this is what is right for her?

We'll soon find out on Monday.