Goodbye 2007

Less than three hours left of this year.

It is time to say goodbye to all that has gone and time to look forward to the new year. My son says he is looking forward to being a teenager and being able to swear at people! LIKE HELL HE IS!!!!! Right now both of the little devils are annoying me so I've told them to be a bit quieter because I'm tired to be honest.

So it is goodbye to what?.....to who?
Madeleine McCann, kidnapped aged 3
Rhys Jones aged 11, murder victim
Kevin Greening, Radio DJ, died Saturday aged 44
Benazir Bhutto, assassinated aged 54
Ike Turner, the man who beat but never defeated Tina Turner, died , aged 76
Les Shannon, Footie manager aged 81
Anton Rogers, actor who I last saw in Chitty Chitty on the West End a couple of years ago. Died aged 74
Tony Holland, 67, co wrote Eastenders
Ian Smith, Rhodesian Prime Minister, aged 88
Alderbrook, aged 18 - a racehorse who gets a mention for no other reason other than I feel like mentioning it.
Bao Zunxin, 70, Chinese intellectual and jailed Tiananmem Square activist who deserves more of a mention than a racehorse!
Alan Coren, writer aged 69
Werner Von Trapp, aged 91. The iconic inspiration and leader of the Trapp family singers
Glut of 112 year olds who died this year (too many to mention)
Princess Katherine of Greece and Denmark (the last surviving grandchild of Queen Victoria)
Lois Maxwell, 80 year old original Miss Moneypenny
Marcel Marceau aged 84 the infamous French mime artist
Maia Simon 67, French film and TV actress who headed to Switzerland where there is a clinic specializing in assisting deaths. Sounds like a good idea if you can do it to me.
Colin McCrae, British racing driver who was only 39 when he and his 6 year old son were killed in a helicopter crash
Clare Oliver, Australian activist who had to become famous after discovering she had cancer and then only having weeks to live. Three weeks later she was dead. Terribly sad
Jane Wyman, 90, Actress
Luciano Pavarotti opera singer aged 71
Shitsu Nakano aged 113 from Japan, the Worlds oldest person!

That's half the list from today
I shall complete my personal goodbye list tomorrow as I'm bored now and it's 10.30pm and I need to be with my kids.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE

I Feel Sick

Christmas Day went with a whimper. After removing that second present and teen daughter seeing it sitting here for the last 24 hours, she has been an absolute angel. Funny that isn't it?

"When can I open my present?" She enquires.
"When we decide". We reply. "Maybe today, maybe tomorrow". Now normally there would be a tantrum following this but surprise surprise, politeness follows. That's just how we like it. I understand being a teenager is difficult. You have hormones to contend with plus my daughter has my raging pain monster which scares her as much as it does me. But this does not give her the right to treat me like dirt. I felt horrible because I ......can't remember if I wrote this yesterday? I told my daughter that if she continues to behave in this vindictive way, telling us she hates us all the time and making family life unbearable, that when she finishes school at 16 she can find a job and move out. After all if she hates us then what is the point in being around us? She's only here to get her bed and board it appears and she uses her dad to get her from A to B. He gets most of her anger and he also angers me as he will not listen to me when I try and help him build his relationship with our daughter. If only he would meet her in the middle - Be the adult, then the arguments would lessen and we would have a 'normal angry teen' instead of an 'mega pent up angry teen'.
Going back to what I said - Why did I say that? I feel so upset with myself but it's true! I don't want to be around all of this anger and I had an argument on Christmas Eve with my husband because of our daughter and his stubburn refusal to meet in the middle. He's learning to take back control of authority which is great and I 100% support him but you cannot be a control freak which is what he is becoming. This I will not support.

Today I am tired. My gallbladder is hurting too and I feel sick. It hasn't played up for a while now so why is it chosing boxing day to make an appearance? I've made the traditional Boxing Day German Potato Salad (tradition in our house), pasta salad is on the go and roast ham is in the oven. No wonder I don't feel great. Do not ask me how my back feels......I can't feel it.

Roll on 2008.

Joy To The World And To Teenagers - GROW UP!

And let's hope joy soon hits my 14 year olds face or I will be moving out and taking her hard found presents with me - Oooh the little minx. (There other words I'd like to use but it is Christmas Day and I'm full of the spirit of Christmas good will and have had a good 'go' at her and good cry all ready. Why oh why do teenagers have to have such mouthy gobs on them? Just look at the photo here of teenagers? Mine looks very similar.

Happy Christmas and my sympathies go out to those who have to live with teenagers and now feel bloody hacked off and wish they never bothered putting in all of that effort into finding all of those difficult to find pressies! Yesterday my bolshy, rude and plain nasty little madam became so horrible that hubby and I took one of her presents and told her we were giving it to charity - That present IS STILL going to charity so I hope they like High School Musical (I'm quite pleased to offload it really).

We have another present this morning which is again sitting here next to me and it's not going to be opened by that child until I see some resemblence of good behaviour!

It makes me so angry, upset, confused, worried, because I don't know what to do? I don't know why she kicks off for no reason? I suppose that's a teen thing? She tells me she hates her dad for past reasons and will not forgive but my view is that forgiveness is the only way forward. I love her dearly and want to 'fix' the problem but I can't. She's a TEENAGER isn't she and she needs to grow up however until she does grow up I have to put up with those tantrums with her treating me like something she walked in. Mind you her dad gets it worse than I do!

Enough of moody teens, she actually brought me a present which she hinted at for weeks so I knew what it was - SOCKS; nice thick semi warm ones for my horrible thick freezing feet. My son brought me Leona Lewis on CD which I totally did not suspect. I thought he'd get the single not the long play as it costs £10. He's not hit those teen years yet.......One year to go........

Must go my duck awaits. (Cooked real one looks much better!)

The Other Website

I have had a couple of queries as to when I am going to get back to my Surviving Chronic Pain Website and just to let you know I making one of those New Years Resolutions to get back into it and get on with it.

I could give a great excuse and say the pain monster has been a complete b*****d and getting to the laptop has been the last thing I have wanted to do.

Fingers crossed I will get back here before Christmas but if not.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Saturday Christmas Get-together

Oh how I love our pre-Christmas Saturday family get-together.
I'm sure I talked about this last year and said how I couldn't get up to see the family the year before last; but again I'll talk about it as it was a great afternoon and something happened that brought back such a wonderful memory. So excuse the long entry.

My uncle had been going through some old photos and found one which he thought I would like to see.......It was about 20 years old and so funny. It was of a rather handsome man in his late 30s pulling a rather ugly face. Yet still his handsome,kindness, graciousness, wonderfulness, shone through. That man was my dad.

I hadn't realised how much I missed him till I saw that photo and the tears started to flow. It's been a few days over eight years since he passed and even as I write this I feel the sadness of not having him here. What was so very odd was on the day of our classic family get-together we also watch the final of Strictly Come Dancing and there's Gethin (excuse if I've spelt it wrong), and another aunt saying that he has 'the look' of my dad! Now that really was the strangest thing as I fancy the pants off Gethin. I've always thought that my dad was a gorgeous man and my mum made a wonderful choice when she picked him. Now I don't fancy my dad in that sense so don't get me wrong but just saying how handsome he was.
I told a friend this morning about the photo and she told me how I talked about my mum but hardly ever about my dad. She's right. I don't know why because I adored him. Maybe the pain is too much to think about? Losing him days before Christmas is bad enough and I have had to put myself on autopilot for many years to help me cope with the stress of those days. I thought I was OK? I thought that pain had gone......It has not. I've told my uncle that I would let him have my addy for this blog and I know he is likely to read this and if he does I want to say THANKS.
I LOVE THAT PHOTO!!!!!! I do not have many pictures of my dad and I'm so happy (even through my tears) that I have this one which I'm honoured to have.

So my last words for this blog entry our in honour of my father.
The best dad in the world, the best grampy in the world, the best friend to those who knew him, the best employee to those who employed him and the most wonderful man that ever lived and died.

Last Chrsitmas I Gave You My Heart

But The Very Next Day, You Gave It Away..........

Ah! Wham had a great number two Christmas hit with that little ditty there didn't they? Are you full of the joys of Christmas yet? I'm getting there but my pain levels have been so high and I've been unable to get on top of anything/card sending/email writing etc. It's driving me bananas....with frustration but also because my pain is so bad I'm inconsolable every evening. My kids have tried to cheer me up however I'd rather they left me alone to suffer in silence. My son came to my room last night and watched TV with me and all I wanted to do was cry; not because I didn't want him there I may add, but it's every evening not just occassional now. I just can't stand it. I'm not getting to sleep till gone midnight and right now I know I need to go and lie down because I'm being stupid sitting here. None of this is very festive is it?

I have my family get-to-gether on Saturday. We shall see if I am up to it? If not then the kids can go up with their dad. My big plan is lots of medication!!!!!!!!!!!

Straight A Students

What a lovely Christmas Surprise!
My children have BOTH brought home good school reports this term. My son's is (I shouldn't say this) but expected as he always puts in a lot of effort to produce great results and he's in a new private school which means he's no longer at the top of the pile any more. He's having to work to get up to that top spot and it may take him till he leave in July 2009 till he reaches that aim in some areas! Other areas like PE/games he has already achieved a great deal and already annoyed his head of PE by leaving the footie team as my lad doesn't really enjoy the sport as much as his beloved rugby. Next term is rugby season and practice has already started and so my lad is in his element. He pulled muscles this week and was 'miffed' with the coach because of the lack of stretching beforehand - I'm sure those in the know understand what I'm talking about?! My son still produced a '2B' which I'm sure would have been a '1A had he stuck with the football squad! (Numbers for effort and 1 being excellent to 5 being dire, letters for achievement, A being well above average, C average, E having series weaknesses).
My son's weakest subject is French but yet he still received a D1 (officially D2 but verbally upgraded when spoke to teacher and she realised how much hard work my son is putting in at home to catch up with his peers who are way ahead of him. Best subject was saxophone lessons - A1! There were other 'As' and other '1s', a couple of Cs and a mixture of of 'B2s' All in all a super effort.

Now for my daughter who did not gain so many grade As (In fact she gained just the one but it was for ICT and she has NEVER EVER gained an A in ICT and so it is all the more special. Her grades were mostly Cs, a few Bs and then Ds, with an E thrown in for a section in Art. Everything was broken down into "Realisation on theory" or "Homework" or "Technical appreciation of the Dingily Dangle Dongle" - Get my drift? All seemed a bit silly and I would have preferred a straight forward grade for effort, homework and achievement.
What was striking was that my darling daughter is doing her homework! Yes at long last things are moving forward. There is inconsistancies however she is flowing in the right direction. It is not an Amazon but a little trickling stream which sometimes has a backflow and gets it wrongs but hay ho I don't care. She's getting there now and paying that money for her education is worth it.

OK I've written along entry and I have a splitting headache which is driving me up the wall. I feel sick too and don't quite know what to do with myself!!!!!!!!! My daughter has just annoyed me and I've shouted at her which has made me feel worse - So much for feeling great about her. I still feel good about her acheivements. It has been a major step for her to change schools; 14 is such a hard age but I don't think she realises that 37 is too.

Nicked Bike

GRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrr

Yesterday was one of those days. My son went off to his ballet class and was late back......Hubby then noticed his bike lock on the floor and I knew what my son was going to say when he walked through the door.
Yes, some thieving b*****d had stolen his beloved bicycle!

I cannot say what my emotions were yesterday - actually I can; anger, hurt, fear (of intrusion and that maybe someone was watching my 11 year old), upset and I had a cry and shout about the whole affair. What annoyed both hubby and I was my son's reaction to what happened. He told us that he had put the bike behind some bins and hoped and thought it would be safe - Not in the city and just before Christmas! Some druggie or some little sod has run off with it and even typing this makes me angry. We've had a child nearly steal it from our front garden before and I can't believe that a CHILD would try and steal from another child but it happens. There are no morals in some households and that's the truth of it all isn't it? When my son couldn't find the bike he was angry, cried and felt those emotions we felt but since then he has hardly shown any remorse for his stupid mistake. Yes he can walk to and from school but it is a long way and I'll be honest I'm going to struggle with him making that journey in the darkness. I'm a mum and isn't that natural?

The only choice was to find him a new/second hand bike as soon as possible and so hubby decided to take him to local shop where they inflate the prices (and I've already seen that compared to the net this is true), and he has brought my son a brand spanking new bike, a new chain, new lights and I hope an attitude to never forget his lock.
£191 later.........

My talented twosome

Sorry for the blogness.....The lack of entries are due to flu, pain and wireless connection; (seeing as the ethernet won't seem to work now the wireless is connected even though it's not because the wireless is connected via a network????)

I don't understand this wireless stuff? It doesn't make any sense but what the heck, I shall keep going. In the meantime I shall tell you all about my dear babies or rather the nearly teen and the monsterous teen. Firstly the teenage daughter who is trying hard to turn herself around since parents evening just over two weeks ago. We have found her a new clarinet teacher and he informed me that my clever little girl has self taught herself brilliantly since the Easter term and is now playing above grade five standard! This has boosted her confidence no end and she's now talking about taking grade five and gaining a distinction which is something she would not have done before.

Now child number two. I've just got off the phone .....well actually it was about half an hour ago because my back is a rotter and I couldn't get to the laptop sooner but anyway, the Head of my son's dance school phoned up and asked if he had told us about the open audition on Friday for a full time place at the school? It's for a 50% scholarship and my lad who she watched on Friday and who has glowing reports, has amazing potential.
My son has not said a word and so either he's not interested or he thinks he's not capable or he thinks we will say no. The truth is we have said no because he has only just started at a new school and loves it. We are more than happy for him to consider the possiblity of ballet school in two years time however I would not consider the one he is being offered an autition at......It is not the right one for him and I'm not being funny here. Academically it is not a very good school and my son is as bright as they come; he would hate a school which didn't stretch him. So yes a dilema but what a delightful one to have!

My daughter has been driving us mad with her behaviour and has been a complete cow at comes but then you get those moments when she is fantastic. I love her no matter what even when she is arguing with me and telling me to "Shuddup". My son is still my baby and I suppose he always will be, he's now genuinely also turning into a real Billy Elliot too.

Confidence Is All That Was Needed

My daughter......My clever, clever daughter......has made the school swimming team!

So the PE teacher thought she was going to fail PE did she? (This is what she told my daughter but something I was unaware of when I spoke with her last week).

My daughter is swimming in an away gala against another school today and is nervous but happy. She didn't want to be in the squad if the truth be known; "Who wants to be one of the popular gang, not me" she quoted......But I wonder if she really does? We all want to be popular at 14 don't we? It is a hard life being a teenager.

As for me? I have a cold on the way. Acupuncture this morning has hopefully helped to stop it coming out fully or stopped it from being too horrendous., we shall have to wait and see on that score. The pain monster? He's here and sitting on me. I've taken some - no lots of drugs to stuper him and yet the bugger is still beating me. He is a strong devil!!!!!

Maybe This Is A Turning Point?

We had daughter's parents evening on Thursday. Lots of changeever since........

I had a good chat with her this morning and today is a good day to talk about what has gone on since Thursday eve. To start with it is good to say that ALL of her teachers have said her homework has improved and it is now being handed in! WOW, that is an amazing effort on her behalf. The second point to state is my daughter is on course to achieve at least 'C' in every single subject alas this is where the but comes in. She is not applying herself fully because her self asteem is getting in the way. Most of her teachers have spotted this and are on top of this. Her form tutor is brilliant I must add and we can talk to her about everything; her English teacher is also topform. She is another teacher we would like to speak to or should I say add a little further information too because she asked why my daughter has such problems with her self esteem and I do not feel it is right nor proper to speak in front of my daugher like this. I would like to speak to my daughter's form tutor and let her know we have tried to get her to speak to a councillor without any luck so far. She will be ready one day. We are still seeing that councillor and she's great. Yesterday I asked her if we could re-refer in the future or have we had our chance? Yes, we can re-refer at any time. This is great news for us.

(Phone rang and had to disappear off for a while)

I had a good chat with my daughter this morning and we talked about everything and anything. We talked about how she was feeling about home and how she felt about us as parents and how things had been at home. She is much happier and feels that both I and my husband are in her words "friendlier and nicer". We must have been ogres before! Or maybe that is how we deemed to be to her? I'm glad we are putting in boundries for her or should I say my husband is now on board because this is working. The parents evening was not too dire, only the PE teacher was not the best. She felt she had not clicked with my daugther and I felt she was a little rude towards her! In the end I defended my daughter and pointed out that my daughter's previous reports ALWAYS were exemplery in PE Never a bad word in this subject and so possibly it is not the subject but something else going on? Sometimes people have to take resonsibility and it is not always the child who is in the wrong. We then went on to speak to a fabulous art teacher who told us our daughter was a brilliant artist and was on course for achieving at LEAST a C but if only she could stop drifting off! Her teacher said the possibility is there of an A as did every single other teacher!!!! Oh I lie.....The bloody PE teacher didn't say that, in fact she told my daughter in a lesson that she was going to fail the subject and that no girl had ever failed PE with her before! I do not think very much of her tactics considering this is a school were they are trying to build up my daughter's confidence.

All in all, the teachers are doing a great job (bar an exception with poor communication). We hope to be able to speak to a couple and fill them in on a few issues to help them understand our daughter more. Hope that helps her. At home we will do our best to help her and the teachers are doing their best for her. The physics teacher even offered extra support in his lunch hour where he already has a couple of other pupils seeing him. He was a decent teacher......Great staff there.

Positive evening. Hopeful for the future, lets see what happens?

GRRRRRRRRRRR!

MY DAUGHTER IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!!!!!!

"I'm going into town after school" she texted. "No you're not" I texted back! My daughter is supposed to stay for homework and then gets the n gets the minibus home afterwards. This suits us and her teachers fine because we have enough problems getting her to complete her homework and the hurdles she wishes to put in the way do not help. She then walked in late and she had agreed to go with her brother trick or treating so basically let him down. Oh I could have spat!!! (Of course I didn't) but she's making me so mad and then it's the attitude when she does get in! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I've allowed her to go out however she has ONE HOUR. Yes that did cause problems and she has had a tantrum but I'm not having her call the shots. How dare she! I'm the parent not her and she has come home in one funny mood which I will put a stop too. I did not want to let her brother down though and that was the only reason I allowed her to go out at all, I'm now working out (or is it hatching a plan?) Yes I think that's the correct terminology? Teens nowadays are so rude and do not realise that they are talking to adults, kids or the pavement! I don't think my daughter was happy when I told her she was paying for the hour it took our cleaning lady to do her clothes today.....Actually it took an hour and a half and she will be paying for every penny.

The worst part about this is I adore my daughter. I would give anything.....my life for my daughter but she treats me like scum. She's a 14 year old who is going to be grounded for a very long time for her behaviour and language today.

Happy Birthday Mum

Today is my mum's birthday. I wish I could put a photo of her here but I cannot not get my bluetooth between my phone and my computer to work.......

The kids think of today as just Halloween but for me it is much more. Another year has gone past without my mother in my life but I do not feel as sad as I have done in the past. I still bought my mum a card and I would have loved to have gone up to the grave however my pain levels (oh here we go again!) mean it is impossible to drive that far.

Tomorrow is another day of worry......I'm going to speak with the HT at the school where I am currently a governor. What do I do when I really do not know what I want to do? I cannot talk about why I feel so upset with the governing side of things, that's too complex and too confidential.......Just really do not know what to do and right now I need to move about as I can't sit still with this leg hurting!!!!

Back At School

I love my kids but I can honestly say I am grateful they have gone back to the extablishments we are paying to send them to. My son scored 19/20 in a French test on day one so he's a happy bunny, my daughter's school pool is now open after six weeks of repairs and so she has a slight smile on her face too (which is remarkable for a teenager) and my rabbits are enjoying being left alone to roam around the garden so they are also happy bunnies too. (Oh yes the punn is intended.)

Talking of my mad rabbits they have been quite taken with their new friends. You can see "Russell's" legs in the photo above, I don't have a photo of Florence, Jim rabbit's teddy, but if I did it would have Jim humping her! We are expecting ted-bits any day now and my poor son was quite traumatised when first saw Jimmy's .....how shall we say 'anatomy!' So traumatised he has told everyone about it non stop ever since. Lol.

I must get this out of the gutter.

Buying a new TV as ours is on its way out. The picture is flickering and the colour is coming and going and to repair it is not cost effective. We have looked at the cost of TVs and found one we like and found a good place to buy that particular one from. Can't believe we will be paying £300 less for a better TV!!!

Congratulations!

The beginning of this entry goes out to a very dear friend of mine who I did not get a moment to call last week who has become a grandmother for the second time last week. Welcome to the world little girl. I'm not giving details as too much info on the net is never a good thing is it? I have learnt not to divulge names nowadays because of nutcases who seem to think it is OK to make your life hell and the Internet is a great way to gain knowledge about you and your loved ones. Enough of that, congrats dear friend, love to you and your loved ones!

Life in the wiglet household has been rather difficult over the past few days and I'd rather not be living here. Yesterday was yet another confrontation with Mr Wiglet and it was a case of me telling him he MUST go back to counselling. The problem is he stopped at the point when he had opened the box full of all of his woes and now that box is open he cannot close it again yet he still does not know how to control his feelings about it? He is struggling emotionally, physically and in every which way you could imagine and I love him more than words can say but he is repeating a pattern of which his father set for him. He is causing so much pain in our family.......so much pain that he must have inside of him! I've been there so I know how he must be feeling and want him to feel better. He HAS to go back to counselling, whether it be with the same person he saw before or whether it be with someone new? I don't care as long as he deals with those demons which are destroying him.......He knows if he does not do this NOW our marriage is over. I don't know what marriage is half the time and is our marriage normal? If a marriage is when a couple love each other but at times hate each other then that is us. If a marriage is when we both want similar things but one of us has lost the emotional drive and one has lost the physical drive then that is us. It's an odd marriage and I just do not understand us? We have spoken to TWO counsellors together. One is our daughter's counsellor and one my old one some years ago and both say we are a perfect match but have issues to get through. My problem is I cannot sit back and watch my husband repeat that pattern again because it is destroying his relationship with his children; this in turn could cause this pattern to repeat again with the children with their own children.....I cannot let that happen. I don't know how many times I've cried about that. That's what makes me so angry and so upset in equal measure.

My head has been hurting for the past two weeks and it is hardly surprising is it? There is a virus floating about........Mind you my head always seems to get worse when the family is around!

Kids back at school on Monday. My son has been a breeze in general so fingers crossed it will stay that way. My daughter has been told to keep her room tidy or I told her I would make her wash all of her clothes again - EVERY SINGLE ITEM IN HER WARDROBES AND DRAWERS. She did not keep to the rules and so today I said; "Get your washing on".

Her mouth dropped.

I let her know if she cleared up she could stop washing and ironing so after THREE lots of washing she has successfully completed her job.

Me thinks she has got the message. (AHA!!!!!!!)

Head is a-hurting.

Stealing

How do you deal with a 14 year old who has stolen from you?

With difficulty that's how.........

It has been a hard couple of weeks in the Wiglet household and I've not had much time on the net. I've got to try and get hold of some old friends who seem to have had troubles with my new email addy too today as well as I do NOT want to lose them....That would be worse than anything I could bare to think about! Also must phone a friend 'up north' at some point this week as I keep forgetting about that too. She's had an appointment with her pain person and I'd love to catch up on how that went and general chitchat that goes with it. I love our natters.

But back to the 14 stealing......I've had this doubt for a couple of weeks but you know when you cannot quite believe it to be true? How could your own daughter be stealing from you? At first she admitted to it being 45pence here and there but finally she has admitted it's been in total £25 with £15 in one day from her father's wallet. How he didn't notice that is beyond me. He's taking it all personally instead of seeing that actually he has a part to play here. I don't mean to blame him as my daughter has to take responsibility for her actions but so does my husband.
You see, we made an agreement that my husband pays out pocket money every Sunday and he keeps 'forgetting'. If he forgets then it is letting the children down and hardly fair to them. Four weeks ago our daughter was banned from gettting her pocket money and THAT was the week she stole the £15, but she had been taking the smaller items of money over a period of over days before that because my husband had not been paying out. It's OK for me to say "Don't worry I've noted down every single penny you should be getting paid", however, the kids are not getting ANYTHING! This is totally unjust and it is driving me insane. My issue of course is I am disabled and find it so hard to get about and so leave it to the husband to be responsible to something ie the pocket money. He is their father after all!

I also have to ask my husband to leave me money so it is not just the kids who rely on him and if the children are going out I will ensure they are never short of a few quid and so I feel very let down today with my daughter and hurt by her actions.

So what did we do? I asked her why she needed the money? It was for topping up her phone (which is NEVER an issue and I will always give her money so I think it is more than that and will talk to her when hubby is not around)We told her she has to pay us back a pound a week. We felt asking her to pay us back all in one go is asking for trouble because she may see temptation in the way if she has no money and steal again. pound a week is good enough. We told her we need to be able to trust her and now that is difficult because she has broken that trust. I told her she must talk to me if she needs money for whatever reason......And have just caught her alone after hubby has gone off on his own and yes the money was for topping up phone, going to the pier with friends after school and generally cheering herself up with chocolate. This worries me enormously.....my daughter is comfort eating constantly, underweight (though not massively but enough for us to worry) and hiding chocolate wrappers in her bedroom. She is NOT binge eating nor vommiting food she eats for her dinners but she is using foods we all know give us a natural high. We have spoken to a counsellor and we have tried to get our daughter to speak to a counsellor but she's not ready to do this and so until then we are speaking to the counsellor and getting support from her; this has been hugely helpful. Oh there's another reason why my daughter steals from her dad and not me, its because she doesn't like him much.

My husband has been very ............Oh I can't think of the word? He's been such hard work again and we've argued again today before any of this started. It is not a good day and he has taken our daughter's actions personally which is silly? He needs to speak to someone on his own.....I wish he would do this now as I don't know how much longer I can tolerate this marriage like this. I feel like I am existing and I'm very very unhappy.

I'd love to be romanced. Candles on the table, dinner cooked.....salmon would be nice with a sauce of some description, then a pud to follow. A couple of glasses of wine to wash it all down with and Bob's your uncle.
Alas that never happens with my man. Either I cook with my pain levels or it DOES NOT HAPPEN...................Think I need to stop crying and now I have another reason possibly why my daughter stole from her dad? Maybe she is getting revenge for me? I don't think she understands that though, I do.

Tally Ho!

Well jolly hockey sticks and lashings of rugger were the order of the day yesterday when we went to visit the favoured senior school my son wishes to go too.

We certainly felt comfortable with this enormous palace like building. We were shown around by a third former who I shall praise in a letter of thanks as he deserves a few mars bars from his house master, (a treat normally given for good Latin scores apparently). Our guide was a member of an exclusively day house however day boys can be members of boarding house which is what my son would like to do. Once he had viewed the differences between the day houses and boarding he had made his mind up.

We have found out that my son will be able to board overnight free of charge if he has a commitment which means he has to remain at the school till 9pm. This is for a House dinner for instance which they have regularly. My son is so excited about this as he fancies boarding now and then, once or twice but not all of the time. He'll be 13 and a half by then and much more mature too........ More of a teen!

I don't think it is the right school for my daughter and neither does she. She'd like to go to a co-ed school for sixthform and I'd agree with that so let's see what happens. I just hope she works over the next two years or goodness knows what will happen to her? I do worry.....She is a wonderful girl with a scatty but creative mind. She'll get there.

Bloody pain monster is crucifying me today. Obviously all of that walking yesterday just was too much. Pain meds and staying in bed all day have helped. Wireless broadband is a marvelous thing and it is not even mine; (that's a worry!!!!)

Strange World

Funny phonecalls, strange what happens in life? I don't want to talk about this too much but suffice to say I have something odd going on in my life again.

My whole life seems to be full of strange oddities and sometimes I do not know if I am coming or a going? I didn't sleep last night. No, I lie, I slept for about an hour in total so I feel very tired now. I have just had my morning cuddle with my rabbits which makes the world feel much more a better place and all is right with the world.......except it is not.

I have my appointment with the bowel surgeon today and I will see what he has got to say? If he is anything like the last one then I'm in trouble! Being told the only option is to have my bowel removed is pretty dire. I'll let you know tomorrow what this one says.

Ooh I Don't Arf Feel Rough

After not such a bad night I woke up feeling absolutely awful. I tried taking a little less MST (morphine sulphate) for my pain control for a couple of days and I have to admit it's not working. I'm online to help my lad out (printing off some homework photos while he is at a rugby tournament), while all I want to do is crash out.

I'm cooking food with the help of my daughter but she's not helping very much. My neighbour is banging and crashing, sawing and drilling!!!!! ARRGGHH it is a nighmare and I have such a headache.

So that is my entry today.

Feel cr*p.

I Love You Baby

My son is a cracking little sportsman but it seems there is a little sh*t at his school who is in the year above and a prefect and thinks it is OK to bully my son. Not only has he picked on him every Friday during chore time after lunch but he is now trying to demean him in front of the other members of the football squad. My son is being placed in defence (the only player in defence) and then being told he is cr*p because being only 136cms tall he cannot stop the other players getting past him.

What are we suggesting?

It's a difficult one because my darling lad is 11, nearly 12 and needs to learn how to handle difficult behaviour. He will no doubt meet sh*ts throughout his life and so we as parents have to help him solve this dilema. My husband has told him to learn from this. To watch and see how the other boys play and he will become a better player. My son may not like defence but what if he is forced into a defensive position in a game? His experience will count then will it not? My son's school team is not a great team and they have only won when he plays! I would suspect my husband's word are right and my lad will probably end up on his own in defense judging by their past performance. That bully may have helped my son out.....If only that bullyboy was not such a moronic little horror. I have also suggested that if it is getting too much for my son to cope with that he speaks to the coach and asks him to keep an eye on things. My son is so sensitive though and hates talking to teachers so whether he will is another matter. I may have to step in if it gets too much but I want him to deal with this first and hope he copes well.

Boy tips will be helpfull though.

PS to anyone I have not emailed with my new email address. I will get around to you. The old one is not working properly and I have not been receiving emails nor have emails been getting to their destinations. This has been a problem for months but I don't know how big a problem and am only just finding out the extent of it - YAHOO eat your heart out.

Future Posh Schools

Went to look at a possible senior college for my son on Saturday. I never thought I'd be looking at public schools and now I am considering THREE!

The one we viewed on Saturday has excellent facilities and excellent staff and there is no reason why we should not choose this school The only real reason not too is it's size is larger than we would like. The school would say it is an advantage, we would say it is a disadvantage. We will be looking at the most likely choice on Saturday and then our son's third choice but our daughter's number one sixth form choice, in two weeks time. I'm looking at finances to see how the hell we can afford to put two kids into public schools because my daughter wants to weekly board at sixth form. We need to presume our daughter will gain a place without a scholarship and the same goes for our son. It's a heady task.

Passwords

I'm always forgetting my passwords and as I'm changing them all the time it's a nightmare! I've currently banned my daughter from the computer but alas she had guessed my old password, (so my spy told me). I've had to re-adjust that one now and this means having to remember yet another new set of words......... It never ends.

My daughter thinks she has finally tidied her room to my satisfaction. Whether she has or not is another matter? I'm sending my spy up now........Let's see? This has taken her 14 years (lol) .....AHA it is reasonably tidy at long last! Apart from money on the floor which could give her enough to move out and put down a mortgage on a small flat. This has laid buried under the rubbish she's left on the floor for the past months.....Yes she is a messy pup.

So it's Sunday and my son has had his rugby training this morning. Next week the coach is giving him a lift to an away match as hubby is working. I can't do the driving and only wish I could. I'm going to get that driving lesson in hand controls and sort this out. Maybe then I'll be able to get myself to the hydro pool, my son to away matches and my daughter to her riding lessons. It is such a frustration.

Pain monster is behaving and I have to get in contact with a lot of people. I've been having problems with my email and it seems sometimes my emails are not arriving? There may be a problem with me not getting emails as well as this has happened before. I think it may be time to move away from my current email supplier and move on with a newbie? Need to sort that out today.

Governor Visits And All That

Why am I doing all this? Do I enjoy it? I suppose I do most of the time but I don't know if it's what I'm really cut out for for my much longer. I know I will need something else in my life if I let it go though.

My son is moaning about something or nothing.......Sorry but sometimes I wish that my kids would just learn to stand up for themselves. Oh that sounds cruel.....I'm tired and fed up with it all. It is always the same way every Friday. One minute good news then a bad bit followed by something else bad............Oh bloody hell. The good news is that he enjoyed his footie match the other day in which they thrashed the other school 8-O.

I love my children very much, very much indeed.

Out Of Mouths Of Babes

I've been on a Governor visit today and what an interesting one it was.


I visited the school council where we talked about health eating and chatted with an ex angry teacher......or should I say I let her vent her spleen? Sometimes it's good to do that but the problem was that I think the Headteacher may of heard some of what she said? I know this teacher is a bit of a nightmare and but I didn't know I was going to get pulled back by her and the Headteacher was not a happy man.....I know either he overheard OR he is not happy that I am aware of some documentation he did not want me to have?
I'm not going to give in to petty sulks and if someone has something to say then they should say it!

One thing though last term.......I nearly gave up being a school governor on more than one occassion. Am I ready to throw the towel in? Do I really want to put up with this sort of behaviour? The answer is no. I'm an adult not a child. Seems those kids are more mature than their teachers sometimes.

Rest In Peace Neighbour

My neighbour passed away. He was 68 and a dear man who was injured while serving in the navy many years ago. Since then he would shout out in the garden and confuse people who'd think he was crazy but we'd know he was perfectly sane, just affected by that injury and harmless and lovable. His life's journey is now at an end and he is now with his father, mother and sister in that great big heavenly place. He will be buried next week along side them all in his final resting place.

But has left behind his aunt who he lived with and his carer who I've been speaking with this morning. His carer felt that my neighbour was more like a father to him and is devastated by his death and at sixes and sevens not knowing what to do? He stayed with my neighbour in the hospital thinking all was going to be OK. His carer went home however at 1am he recieved a phonecall to say "get back" My neighbour had a massive heart attack and was probably unaware of what was going on. I hope so as he would have been very frightened. The staff had allowed his carer to stay late because it kept my neighbour calmer......Now I shall miss the shouting and his 6am walks to the shop, especially when he forgets where he lives and insists on coming into my house!

My friend's gran is 93 and she told me last week that she too was at death's door. I should suspect that her gran is now no longer here? It is so sad that death greets us all but sadly we all must die some day. My cousin said when he was about seven that "if everyone lived forever there would be no room for all the new babies who would need to be born". Classic words from a small child but quite true.

Little Maddie McCann was only 3 (if she is dead) when she lost her life. I hope she is alive but it looks as though she is not. I don't know how I feel about that.......There is mounting evidence and now which ever newspaper you read tells you a different story. One states that the hair found in the car is from a child who is dead the other says something else? What is true?
I don't get it anyway? That part of the story makes no sense. How did the parents keep the child secret for all of that time? Where did they keep her? It sounds like the Portuguese are clutching at straws to me. Maybe the McCanns DID play a part in their own daughter's death but this part of disposing of the body sounds silly and comical when it needs to be serious.

Life is so precious. Whether you live for 70 years or 70 minutes you need to make the most of it. Today my pain is lower for the main part. I'm making the most of it.

Sleepy Day

I am exhausted!

I'm so tired from too much medication over the past few days and too much emotion . Our poorly bunny is fine now and over his adventure to the vets and my son is gradually getting over his guilt.

Today is orchestra day and my daughter is back to playing her clarinet reguarly. I've got to wake myself up for that!

Sick Wabbit

Mr Jimjim the bunny is very poorly. I went out to him a little over an hour ago and he was quiet and nothing like the usual mad Jimjim we know. Normally I'd call his name and he'd play a trick on me and run around and look at me with his bunnyeyes and I'd give in with a treat. He's a super rabbit and right now I'm frightened something is very wrong with him.

My son had rather foolishly not left Jimmy with any water OR FOOD! I could not believe my eyes. Jimmy was obviously dehydrated and to keep him calm I put him back in his hutch rather than leaving him in his run. I've been feeding him water and tomato juice with a pipette. He hates the tomato juice but a rabbit expert friend says it is a great booster for bunnies.

Jim hasn't been getting any better and so I phoned the vet nurse for advice but really I wanted Jim seen by the vet as my instincts are frightened right now. I don't want to lose 'Mr Jimjim'.......He's part of our family! The poor bunny is so weak and it is not just because my son didn't leave his water out, I don't know if my son is using an excuse but he tells me Jim didn't eat much of his food from yesterday which is why he gave him more today; shame he left the food in Mr Jimjim's hutch! Also we know our lovely boybunny is definately not well when he hasn't eaten his treat and it has been left in his hutch.....Something is really wrong.

I know there are many things wrong in the world, People dying, Maddy's parents being suspected of involvement of her death, (how I feel on that I'm not sure?), but all I care about is a six month old rabbit.

Fight Mr Jimjim and say "Hello" (Sorry joke we have in our house) to Lulu when you get home. We all love you very much and mistakes will never happen like this ever again.

Jane Tomlinson Rest In Peace

Jane Tomlinson who was diagnosed as terminally ill with breast cancer seven years ago, has finally lost her battle for life. She was 43.

Jane was a married mother-of-three, who had raised a staggering £1.75m in a series of gruelling challenges in the last seven years since she was told she only had six months at the most to live. In June this year she was further recognised for all of her hard work and given a CBE for 'charitable services'.

I don't know what I would do if I was told I had a terminal illness? I have watched Jane's past seven years evolve on the TV screen and newspapers and I was hoping that maybe one day a cure would be found to save her. She deserved that. She was prepared to battle so why wasn't something there for her? She was an incredible woman and an inspiration to everyone with her indomitable spirit and amazing smile even though she must have been in desperate pain.

Jane definitely deserves those Angel wings. She was a truly wonderful woman

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/2585103.stm

School Dinner Cheese Meltdown For Anyone?

400,000 kidlets have stopped eating in school canteens since the new healthy school system has been introduced. No wonder so many look like this fat suited version of Jamie here!

The problem is it has only been two years and you can't expect teenagers to change their whole diet if all they have at home is junk food. My son who has only just left primary school also said that children were swapping to packed lunches and that included those entitled to free school meals because they wanted burgers!

What sort of society do we have when kids are dictating over their parents as to what they are going to eat? I'm not being funny here but I tell my kids what they are having for dinner and they eat it. If they don't eat it then there is nothing else till the next meal. Yes of course somtimes I make cheeseburgers but they are homemade ones and I know what is in them. My kids also sometimes eat sweets but not all of the time!

Sadly most kids seem to want to stuff their faces full of crap. I hope healthy meals continue because healthy hearts, brains and bodies are more important for their futures.

Bad Night's Sleep But BRIAN won Big Brother 8

I slept fitfully last night. Too many things on my mind plus I was in a lot of pain. I imagine the pain increase is stress related as there cannot be any other reason?

I watched BB8 and was thrilled to see my favourite Brian win BB8 however I was strangely saddened that the twins could not share the win. They are sweet girls and I had felt too sweet to win but no one had nominated them throughout the who 13 weeks so they must of had something great within them. The bookies had the twins winning and I was shocked to see Brian claiming the title but as I said very happy. Some said he was putting on an act? I say I don't care. Gameplaying is all part of BB and if you play it well and do not hurt anyone else then surely that is OK? I don't think Brian was playing games anyway; I think he was genuinely stupid. (Said in the nicest possible way).

Arise King Brian, Yogurt Top of Essex.

I shall take it easy today and not do very much. My back is aching and I feel hellish. Oh Joy, wish I had £100k to make me feel better like good old Brian has - Plus looks like he has one of the twins on his arm too. Life could not be better for that Essex lad.

Goodnight Uncle Dave

My great uncle Dave passed away on Wednesday.

The last time I saw him was at my mother's funeral and the time before that was at my father's funeral. I suppose the time before that was at his mother's funeral and then the time before that was at my grandmother's (his brother's wife) funeral.

He wasn't my biological great uncle but he and my Auntie Kath stood by my grandmother when his brother left her back in 1976. I've always thought of that side of the family as my real family as well as the rest of my huge family. Although I hardly see them it is lovely to know they are there.

My aunt (my biological uncle's wife this time) left a message on my answerphone on Wednesday evening. We had gone off to France for the day and that was a disaster in itself. The strange thing was I had cried practically all afternoon. I thought it was because everything that could had gone wrong did but maybe it was because I was picking up vibes? I've always felt emotions when someone close or a neighbour has passed so who knows? I collected the message and knew instantly something was very wrong. I know this sounds really horrible but I have relatives in Germany and there is one great aunt I adore. I had a terrible fear that it may have been her name and I didn't want it to be her. She and I share our birthdate and in a sick way I was quite relieved it wasn't her and grateful it was uncle Dave. I know that sounds horrible and I'm so sorry to say that but I have to get my thoughts out somehow. I feel so badly for my auntie Kath, they were such a wonderful couple. I'm also counting blessings that uncle Dave went quickly because apparently he did not know he was even ill and he had CANCER! True fact. He went to the hospital in agonizing pain at lunch time and by early evening they had taken him to the hospice....By 7.18pm, I had a message to say he had passed away.

I dreamt in the early hours of this morning about a man who had died but it was not my uncle? I don't know who it was but I was obviously close to him and it was a strange old dream for me. I had a good cry about it all yesterday and have had a good cry today......My emotions are different for uncle Dave compared to other relations because I'm grateful he left this world quickly and also he was a good man who led a good life. There are not many like him in this world.

If you have a good person around you, give them a good hug and thankful for them. If you are that person then give yourself a pat on the back.

We will celebrate your life and if you don't mind I will send a donation to the hospice in your name rather than flowers. I've decided this is a gift I'd like to do in honour of my parents from now on.

RIP Uncle Dave

Lamb Chops and Shiblees

Shiblees for those who do not know is Chablis but poor Brian (my favourite and preferred winner of BB8) could not pronounce this nor did he know what Chablis was? He and Tracey then took the michael out of anyone who was posh which showed their insecurities.

Pink haired Tracey was well and truely evicted on Friday night with the highest percentage of the vote and Kara-Louise (the posh bird who did not need to worry about the task yet plucked her underarm hair and had some strange manners), was also evicted but only lost by 0.1 percent over Jonty the pervy spanker.

So now the general public are saying "Proper tripping"; "Ave it"; "Deal with it" and "Good in the hood". Least we forget "Proper sketchy". I could not understand a word she said for the first 3 weeks and in the end she had to speak English but the sad thing is she is MY age! I don't think she has grown up yet which is not a bad thing I suppose? Why should 37 year olds always have to be the same? Yet she was dull and these silly phrases were pathetic.

I must change the subject and give mention to the weather because finally as the last week of the summer holiday arrives it seems that the SUMMER HAS ARRIVED TOO! Yes the sun is out an it's about 24/25c outside (and in). My poor rabbits are warm and I gave them a bowl of water with ice cubes in for fun and frolics. Jim put his paws in and washed his body and had a great time with it and so I know he enjoyed his special treat. Tallulah is lying in the shade watching the world go by and not caring today.....Too hot for a fluffball-lionhead. My son is down the beach with his mate and mother but the other day he appeared in my bed at 2am tearful even though he had a friend over to sleep. His friend had told him about a paedofile who the boys had seen arrested a few days before. The son was scared because he had mistakenly (we later found out) thought the man had been released and would find out where he lived. The boys knew this man was a paedo because the father of the friend spoke to a police officer who actually said what the man was being arrested for. I had to explain to my son what happens when men like this are found near parks and how they are not allowed etc but he was having a nightmare about it and needed hugs. What made matters worse was a few weeks ago my son was approached at the bus stop but a teacher from the school intervened. We believe it was a vagrant but I spoke to the Headteacher who reported it to the police. The following day the police were at the school which is right next to the bus stop in force and they were at the nearby housing estate. I am going to speak to the headteacher to ask him if he has had any feedback from the police because he will know if my son was in danger that day........Maybe I'd rather not know?

He has left that school now and is on to his new private school. Maybe I will leave be.

F-F-F-F-FRIDAY!

TGIF as they say in places where they are looking forward to Fridays. It is the end of the week and it is a bank holiday but don't ask me why I am so excitable because there really is no reason?

Maybe it is because it's a double eviction on Big Brother? Yes I am still addicted to the daft show which is becoming incredibly BORING this year. Tonight Kara-Louise who only went into the house four weeks ago will defo (oh Good I've turned into a BB housemate and started talking like them), going out tonight. The other housemate going out is highly likely to be Tracey who is an original from day one and goodness knows how she has lasted so far. Me thinks she thinks she will stay and Jonty who also came in with Kara-Louise will go but NO! Dear Jonty is a strange little man (I use the word little wisely as he flashed his manhood yesterday and it is not that much to flash around.) Problem is that Liam told him it was impressive and I worry for Liam and fear for him too as poor Liam may only have a teeny weener. Not really a shame as I don't like that man any more, he's changed into a bitchy whinger but back to Jonty, Jonty is an odd well spoken 36 year man who speaks to his teddybears and doesn't want a girlfriend or so he says. He's a nice enough man and should not put himself down.

Got to get off the net......horse smelling daughter wants to get on.

Don't Think I'm Feeling Great

Evening Blog.

Not feeling too good as this infection I had two weeks ago in Sardinia is still hanging around. Me thinks me needs to speak to the GP? Will do that tomorrow as I feel like I ought to go to bed now.
So off I go to bed.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Balderdash

My son is home from his sojourn to PGL camp with the Young Carers Project and he had a nice time apart from one little squirt picking on him. My son is a gentle soul and does not know how to handle this sort of thing and spoke to an appropriate adult who then ignored it! Bloody cheek. That's the last time he will go away with the YC project which is a shame as it's such a lovely break for him.

I don't know........

My daughter though is off on another YC project funded idea and raft building today. This is a damn good thing for her as it will improve her communication skills and teamwork. She's not good in those areas and I hope she will come back smiling and not grumbling that she would have preferred to be up the stables.

My daughter has her second horse show tomorrow which she is really looking forward too. Two summers ago she struggled through her first dressage test and scored something like 48% which was a good try considering she did not learn the route. This year she has revised and practised the route well and has an extra lesson tomorrow. She is also loaning the pony all week so lots of extra riding practice and shovelling sh*t!

My back is playing up though I say that is because I was feeling V stressed out this morning and maybe I've been doing a little too much around the house since I got home last week. I'm not comfy sitting and lying on my bed is favoured position so I doubt I will be sitting in my recliner for long today. Think I may ask hubby to cook lunch too????

Sardinia

What can I say?

It has been a strange time since my last post on July 8th.
My internet has been playing up after buying a new router. I then could not even get my ethernet to work! I spoke to a lovely bloke this morning at my internet provider and guess what? All I had to do was pull the plug out of the modem for 10 seconds and then turn it back on. Yes that was all it needed to fix my internet. I could have been talking away to my friends and aquantances but no I was merrily thinking I had 'issues'.

That said it was lovely not having internet or should I say not being able to access it and we have agreed not to spend so much time on it and come off earlier in the evening too. I've spent more time with my daughter and that has been so nice as she is always talking to her friends and never me anymore. I've learnt more about her and she understands more about me. My son has always spent time with me and so that is not an issue here.

Do you want to hear about Sardinia? OK.
Beautiful if not dry, yellow tinged country. The older people are so friendly and greeted us in the evenings with a "Good Evening" (In Italian of course) but I must say we found the younger Sardinians rude and in a hurry to get everywhere fast. When driving, you would be 'beeped' if you stopped your car for a second longer than the driver behind deemed necessary. Parking was fun, if you found a spot, you had to park straight away as if you did not the car behind would jump in and nab that space! That said, we found little arguing so people accepted what was told.

FOOD! Ahhhhhhh
Now we Brits seem to think Italian pizzas have to come with French bagettes with garlic butter on them. NO THIS IS NOT TRUE. We are an odd breed us Brits. We saw NO garlic bread at all but bread was served with pasta only. Another special flat bread was also served which my kids loved and was easy to find in the supermarkets. The pizzas were bloody gigantic. I could never manage a whole pizza and at some point I will get a picture of the pizza on my blog but I am yet to send it here.....I'm useless I know. I'm still recovering from the holiday as I was very unwell the second week with a kidney/systemic infection. I cannot remember two days apart from having a raging headacheand high temp. I closed my eyes and slept and slept and on the third day as my head eased I managed to venture out onto a sunbed on our shady verandah. The following day after that was the last day of our holiday and I was desparate to get by the pool. I'd been told by the doctor to keep out of the sun so I stuck my legs in the sun and kept the rest in the shade; my legs were as white as ......polar bears (stupid analogy but I can't think of anything right now) and they still are. I had to spend a couple of days lying on the apartment bed during the first week and also the sunbeds were not comfy unless they had blankets on them; bit difficult that really by the pool!